So its the end of another week! I have basically changed nothing! although I am a little less bloated. I suppose Im vegan again and havent been overly obsessively binging on fruit!
Today I tried to fight da fear and go shoplifting! I hope yout so u guys dont think Im an absolute chav for doing it but it gives me such a high and I get so scared about doing it that it totally has to speed up my metabolism.
Today I went to Holland and Barrett. I was going to try and get some soya protein mix but they only had one on the shelf and it was beside the counter so no can do. Altho I did get Shelled Organic Hemp. It says it is HIGH IN PROTEIN! which is what I want. I spent so long looking at the protein bars. They all looked so delicious. But I couldnt get one. Id get hooked and I couldnt live with myself it I ate one. o well. I also got pro bio 7 advanced formula. Their suitable for vegans. Then I also got Slimatee a natural herbal aid. From the same company that provided me with laxxee tee! It says to take 1 cup every night for 2 weeks. So Im not going to start untill I finish he 2 weeks of fat metaboliser tablets and my last few laxee tees.
I went to Boots 2. I have the fear there aswell bc of the alarms. I used to take so much from there like loads of ST Tropez fake tan but theyve alarmed it all now so Im using a Boots brand which is actually really nice and scent free. Im really not that big a fan of St Tropez at all. So I went to Boots again so I think I feel safe there now which is good. I havent gotten any clothes in a while. Im just not ready to go back yet. Even thought I know what works and what doesnt I cant do it!
I went back to Borders aswell but I bought a dvd just in case. Those alarm systems scare da crap out of me. I know Ive said this before but I was reading a book and it said people who have disordered eating patterns are prone to shoplifitng and abusive drinking! haha that is so me. Got a belt and some nail varnish too. I really wish I could go get some clothes. But I cant!
Back to eating Im having the same old same old today :)
I really wanna try something new but what beats fresh fruit and veg and kidney beans :)
xxxxxx
Can you use stuff like berts bees lip balm if your a vegan? do they harm the bees? x
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Day 6
I think Im bored of kidney beans, fruit and veg........
o and last night it wasnt the laxxee tea attacking me I got my period this morning! woop woop 2 months in a row! In a way Im happy and not happy at the same time! Ive had about 4 periods in the last 2-3 years! haha but at least 2 months in a row is consecutive! hasnt been that way before! Hopefully I wont be getting osteoporosis nw :)
having sum lax tea now Im nearly done with my supply so Ill give da intestines a break from it!
Omg am so gonna get busted soon for stealing my roomates food! Its not my fault I dont plan to but I get hungry and take sumtin I think will be unoticable! but then it gets noticed! Ive eaten a whole box of sumones cereal b4! and I take tins of stuff too! When there not in I love to look through their cuboards just to see what I considor is normal stuff to eat! My cuboard is so different to theirs and my shelf in the fridge! I always have yoghurts (now alpro soya organic) fresh fruit and veg! I still have sum laughing cow light cheese but Im not gonna eat it. The my cuboard is full of baked beans and beans in vinagerette or chilli sauce! but I dont wna eat them nemore I just want beans in water so I just have a load of tins!! Im taking probiotics religiously after my meals and I actually think they are helping with the bloating! I took pictures of my stomach today! and my arms to monitor them! looking at them is different then looking at my body directly. I feel different to how I look.
o and last night it wasnt the laxxee tea attacking me I got my period this morning! woop woop 2 months in a row! In a way Im happy and not happy at the same time! Ive had about 4 periods in the last 2-3 years! haha but at least 2 months in a row is consecutive! hasnt been that way before! Hopefully I wont be getting osteoporosis nw :)
having sum lax tea now Im nearly done with my supply so Ill give da intestines a break from it!
Omg am so gonna get busted soon for stealing my roomates food! Its not my fault I dont plan to but I get hungry and take sumtin I think will be unoticable! but then it gets noticed! Ive eaten a whole box of sumones cereal b4! and I take tins of stuff too! When there not in I love to look through their cuboards just to see what I considor is normal stuff to eat! My cuboard is so different to theirs and my shelf in the fridge! I always have yoghurts (now alpro soya organic) fresh fruit and veg! I still have sum laughing cow light cheese but Im not gonna eat it. The my cuboard is full of baked beans and beans in vinagerette or chilli sauce! but I dont wna eat them nemore I just want beans in water so I just have a load of tins!! Im taking probiotics religiously after my meals and I actually think they are helping with the bloating! I took pictures of my stomach today! and my arms to monitor them! looking at them is different then looking at my body directly. I feel different to how I look.
Friday, 5 June 2009
Day 5
It actually kind of depressing that in the time Ive started this Im pretty sure my body has not changed one bit! o well! what to do! I went to bed really late last nite so I would wake up late today and not eat as much! clever eh! so Its now 2 o clock and Ive had my alpro soya organic yoghurt with some linseeds to help me poop and milled organice pumpkin and sunflower seeds plus my fat metabolizer tablet and a pre bio 7 tablet. Now Im having a herbal tear. I read the back of my laxx tea last night bc I was wondering why I only got like 10 tea bags! But it says your only suppose to take it 4 a week and then not continue it. Its not a long term solution to constipation but I thought it would matter like bc its herbal. But maybe its hard on te system or something?? Ill google it and see whats it says.....
We hear the word herbal and automatically associate it with something good healthy and natural. For the most part, herbals are wonderful. Unfortunately, when used improperly, they can be harmful.
Stimulant laxatives herbs work by irritating the walls of the intestine to increase peristalsis. Over time and especially with abusive use, it can damage the intestines.
Wow that was insightful! Fuck jesus u have to be careful with everything dont you! I love reading the back of food packages tho! dunno why haha!
ugh so bored of being in bed all day now! O my friend is on her way woop woop! laters xxxxxx
OMG I tink the herbal laxxtea is attacking my insides! ow! major nuerofen is needed! ok thats it! still sticking to my food combining! and diet of alpro soya yoghurt fruit and veg! o and kidney beans! ne one recommend any other types of beans I can experiment with? x
We hear the word herbal and automatically associate it with something good healthy and natural. For the most part, herbals are wonderful. Unfortunately, when used improperly, they can be harmful.
Stimulant laxatives herbs work by irritating the walls of the intestine to increase peristalsis. Over time and especially with abusive use, it can damage the intestines.
Wow that was insightful! Fuck jesus u have to be careful with everything dont you! I love reading the back of food packages tho! dunno why haha!
ugh so bored of being in bed all day now! O my friend is on her way woop woop! laters xxxxxx
OMG I tink the herbal laxxtea is attacking my insides! ow! major nuerofen is needed! ok thats it! still sticking to my food combining! and diet of alpro soya yoghurt fruit and veg! o and kidney beans! ne one recommend any other types of beans I can experiment with? x
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Day 3+4
So yesterday was a good day! Im following the food combining rule! I bought a book about it when nothing else seemed to be working for my IBS! It states that you should eat fruit only in the morning and then after you eat anything else you shouldnt eat fruit again bc fruit is digested straight away in the morning but if you eat it after something digestion takes longer and the fruit gets trapped and begins to ferment in your body. mmm lovely! Then you cant eat carbs and proteins 2gether bc your body will only focus on digesting one and not the other. So you should eat carbs and veg at lunch time and then protein and veg in the evening! Im not eating carbs atm tho! So this is actually really helping me bc I can eat fruit is crazy quantities at time like no matter what I ate during the day Id want a box of grapes before going to bed! like thats ridiculous! It was more habitual more than anything else. So now once I eat anything else I cant eat fruit again! BRILLIANT!
Still loving the kidney beans atm but Im gonna have to get more protein I think! Another trip to Holland and Barreth this wkd. Im a bit annoyed tho at the moment my shoplifting habbits have stalled! I have da fear again! grrrr. How annoying I used to be fine just nipping into town getting a few things coming back and showing them to my roomates but now Im scared! I miss my best friend wer not really talking atm but we she got me into it and we used to do it together! It freaks me out now walking out passed alarms so afraid there gna go off so for now Im staying put. I started doing it when I first started being weird about food. Its all about beating the system for me. I always try find a way around everything. Not eating/ not going to school/ not paying for stuff.
Anywho really down today Im in college but cant dance for another 2 wk after getting my cast off so basically I will miss all the rehearsals for the summer show ie Im not in da summer show ie Im just here for no reason other than to be a crippled fucker who thinks about food all day! How exciting!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I just want the will power to fast for a few days. This weekend Im thinking only green veg. celery, cucumber and brocolli!
Last night I had an IBS attack dunno why but I did. I woke up and felt like my stomach was being knifed! awful awful feeling. basically I didnt have a bm yesterday despite drinking my laxee tee mmmm........Ill have to drink another soon.
Thats all for now I dont know whats happening with my life for the next 6 weeks doesnt luk like I can do much dancing. Ill start power walking jogging and cycling but not untill my foot is ready. So Ill do a bit of a crash diet week next week maybe. I need to mentally prepare. O also my friend is having a bday dinner next wk! its gud bc wer nearly all poor students so Im just gonna pretend to be poor and order a plate of chips and den not eat them!
I ate alot of fruit today! dun dun dun! too much fucking free time would be the problem! I got the fear so I didnt go shoplifting which usually gives me a bit of a high when I cant dance but anyway I went to get food and books to read! I just want it to be sunny 2mro so I can lie on the grass and read. then I dont feel as lazy as lying in bed! Did a bit of cycling and like 45 mins of what body conditioning I should! 2mro Im gonna go look for a job oh the joys of being a cripple!
loys of laxee tea 2day! woop woop no.2's!
Still loving the kidney beans atm but Im gonna have to get more protein I think! Another trip to Holland and Barreth this wkd. Im a bit annoyed tho at the moment my shoplifting habbits have stalled! I have da fear again! grrrr. How annoying I used to be fine just nipping into town getting a few things coming back and showing them to my roomates but now Im scared! I miss my best friend wer not really talking atm but we she got me into it and we used to do it together! It freaks me out now walking out passed alarms so afraid there gna go off so for now Im staying put. I started doing it when I first started being weird about food. Its all about beating the system for me. I always try find a way around everything. Not eating/ not going to school/ not paying for stuff.
Anywho really down today Im in college but cant dance for another 2 wk after getting my cast off so basically I will miss all the rehearsals for the summer show ie Im not in da summer show ie Im just here for no reason other than to be a crippled fucker who thinks about food all day! How exciting!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I just want the will power to fast for a few days. This weekend Im thinking only green veg. celery, cucumber and brocolli!
Last night I had an IBS attack dunno why but I did. I woke up and felt like my stomach was being knifed! awful awful feeling. basically I didnt have a bm yesterday despite drinking my laxee tee mmmm........Ill have to drink another soon.
Thats all for now I dont know whats happening with my life for the next 6 weeks doesnt luk like I can do much dancing. Ill start power walking jogging and cycling but not untill my foot is ready. So Ill do a bit of a crash diet week next week maybe. I need to mentally prepare. O also my friend is having a bday dinner next wk! its gud bc wer nearly all poor students so Im just gonna pretend to be poor and order a plate of chips and den not eat them!
I ate alot of fruit today! dun dun dun! too much fucking free time would be the problem! I got the fear so I didnt go shoplifting which usually gives me a bit of a high when I cant dance but anyway I went to get food and books to read! I just want it to be sunny 2mro so I can lie on the grass and read. then I dont feel as lazy as lying in bed! Did a bit of cycling and like 45 mins of what body conditioning I should! 2mro Im gonna go look for a job oh the joys of being a cripple!
loys of laxee tea 2day! woop woop no.2's!
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Still a Vegan!
Day 2 and Im still a Vegan to be honest its not that hard and Im happy to be having my alpro soya yoghurts except the nicest flavours blueberry and cherry got squashed in my back pack so I only have 4 peach ones now! O well! there 22 less calories then da muller lights although a good bit smaller but less sweeteners and flavourings! woop woop! I love being healthy even if I dont feel it! I havent been tempted to have my extra light laughing cow cheese spread yet although I have lots of packets in my fridge aswell as loads of quorn products in my freezer which I still havent used! eek! o well! I love summer its sooo sunny out Im wearing shorts and a t-shirt and yes my legs are a lilttle fat and my arms need major toning but still I love lukin summery!!!
Im gonna go do my arms ass and abs now! then Im getting my stitches out! Plus Il be cycling to and from the hospital which I also did yesterday so Im def getting more exercise now that Im back here! Plus Ive taken my two fat metaboliser tablets for the day! I dont think theres fat in my diet tho! well maybe the soya yoghurts and the flaxseed stuff mmmmm. o well got them now so Im taking them anyway!
Enjoy the sun! xx
Omg Ellie just informed me that theres egg in quorn! omg thank god I didnt eat any! but its made me realise that veganism isnt going to be long term for me but sure wel c how I go! Atm Im taking Lindewoods health food mixes! Ive just been reading about them online. I love reading the health benefits so I think Im gonna mix it up and try a new packet every week or every time I run out of one. Im gonna luk at the protein shakes aswell when I go to Holland and Barreth next! Ne brand recomendations? Im so tempted to get the bars but I know Il lose control of myself if I do.
Also today on youtube I watched The Truth About Online Anorexia! it wasnt that good an Fearne Cotton was the presenter! I think she is absolutly stunning! so of course she wouldnt be affected by anything like this. She said she was 9 stone and happy blah blah u c the ting is I dont believe ppl when they stay stuff like that and they go out and have dinner and cake with their friends?! She does run 5k 3 times a week so she does look after herself like. mmmmmmm I dunno. Anyway I secretly think other ppl go take on these documentaries so they can have a boot camp and lose weight but Fearne didnt stick to any diets she tried the rainbow diet and the 2 4 6 8 diet but didnt finish either of them. She saidt she didnt want to so I thought fair play she must be happy in herself so it made me like her a bit more. To be honest though she went to schools and talke to young kids about diets and calories just to see if they knew about them but stuff like that makes me think about them more. We had a talk about eating disorders in my dance school and it made me feel weak hearing some stories! But I have to keep telling myself I dont wanna be ill I wanna be happy healthy and beautifully underweight haha! just give me thinner legs, bony arms and protruing hips and Ill be happy! thats all I ask!!!!
Im gonna go do my arms ass and abs now! then Im getting my stitches out! Plus Il be cycling to and from the hospital which I also did yesterday so Im def getting more exercise now that Im back here! Plus Ive taken my two fat metaboliser tablets for the day! I dont think theres fat in my diet tho! well maybe the soya yoghurts and the flaxseed stuff mmmmm. o well got them now so Im taking them anyway!
Enjoy the sun! xx
Omg Ellie just informed me that theres egg in quorn! omg thank god I didnt eat any! but its made me realise that veganism isnt going to be long term for me but sure wel c how I go! Atm Im taking Lindewoods health food mixes! Ive just been reading about them online. I love reading the health benefits so I think Im gonna mix it up and try a new packet every week or every time I run out of one. Im gonna luk at the protein shakes aswell when I go to Holland and Barreth next! Ne brand recomendations? Im so tempted to get the bars but I know Il lose control of myself if I do.
Also today on youtube I watched The Truth About Online Anorexia! it wasnt that good an Fearne Cotton was the presenter! I think she is absolutly stunning! so of course she wouldnt be affected by anything like this. She said she was 9 stone and happy blah blah u c the ting is I dont believe ppl when they stay stuff like that and they go out and have dinner and cake with their friends?! She does run 5k 3 times a week so she does look after herself like. mmmmmmm I dunno. Anyway I secretly think other ppl go take on these documentaries so they can have a boot camp and lose weight but Fearne didnt stick to any diets she tried the rainbow diet and the 2 4 6 8 diet but didnt finish either of them. She saidt she didnt want to so I thought fair play she must be happy in herself so it made me like her a bit more. To be honest though she went to schools and talke to young kids about diets and calories just to see if they knew about them but stuff like that makes me think about them more. We had a talk about eating disorders in my dance school and it made me feel weak hearing some stories! But I have to keep telling myself I dont wanna be ill I wanna be happy healthy and beautifully underweight haha! just give me thinner legs, bony arms and protruing hips and Ill be happy! thats all I ask!!!!
Monday, 1 June 2009
THIN
I just watched the Thin documentary. It was soooo sad! I dont understand why we cant just all be a nice healthy weight if we eat a balanced diet! but its soooo not as simple as that. I just feel so upset after watching it. I know lately I havent been as extreme as I used to be but by starting this blog and reading yours I wanted to be motivated to get back into extreme dieting again. Watching documentaries on ED usually inspire me and give me tips but that just made me sad and made me grateful that I do have a good life and that I should enjoy it more and think about food less. The girl Britanys story was the saddest I thought. I hope she gets sorted. It made me really angry that the government doesnt offer more support for people with EDs. Anyway just felt like a bit of a blog after that. Has anyone else watched it? xxx
no carbs/dairy today x
no carbs/dairy today x
New Week!
Right its a new week and I dont no where I stand at all at all! Im pretty surre nothing has changed and I totally od'd on fruit last night but that was to be expected! mmm....well Im going to go to holland and barret and get some hemp protein which has been suggested by Vegan On Stage and then to sainsburys to get my favourite kidney beans! and lots of healthy healthy veg! and a bag of carrots which is from now oon my new snack!
Im getting my cast off 2mro thank fuck! and then I will be back exercising full on! but I cant launch in2 bc I am not getting myself injured again! If I look of by saturday I might go swimming. Its sooo sunny here at the moment ppl are walking around in bikinis even tho theres no beach or anything near us! theres no way Im bikini ready!
stay thin x
Ok Ive eaten a gud bit of fruit today but never ate it when I was really full! I got little mango snack packs for the next 3 days so hopefully I wont buy much more fruit over the next few days! I got my kidney beans and some other types to experiment with! Their all organic and in water! along with the sweetcorn and beatroot I got! Omg how embarressing! my poo for the last 2 days has been red! At first I thought it was blood which has happened before and I had to have a colonoscopy! but Im almost 100% sure its from the beans and beetroot! hey at least Im actually going atm! and I went to Holland and Barrett! I got sum manuka honey to have in hot water with lemon bc my throat is sooo sore today and I cudnt find hemp protein anywhere so I got this flaxseed and pumpkin seed mix thats high in protein? is that gud enough Vegan On Stage? also! Im going back to being a Vegan! I thought giving up my MullerLights would be life ruining so I invested in some alpro soya yoghurts. but then I realised I love my laughing cow extra light cheese spread! its only 20 calories? but hey Ill try go without it for the time being! Im back taking pro biotics again and I got some natural weight loss tablets! its a 2 week plan. It includes a diet plan which Ive yet to read but Im gonna start it 2mro! exciting. I like having a plan! and it starts the day I get my cast off! The get my life back on track diet! woop woop! k I just read the 2 week diet plan its basically a 1500 calorie diet dont eat 3 hrs b4 bed. low fat dairy. it says to have vegetables but not sweetcorn or peas?! tear y is this I bought 3 tins of sweetcorn today! I love the stuff!?!! and omg I just started to drink my laxative tea it is disgusting! haha o well Ill try anything! xx
Im getting my cast off 2mro thank fuck! and then I will be back exercising full on! but I cant launch in2 bc I am not getting myself injured again! If I look of by saturday I might go swimming. Its sooo sunny here at the moment ppl are walking around in bikinis even tho theres no beach or anything near us! theres no way Im bikini ready!
stay thin x
Ok Ive eaten a gud bit of fruit today but never ate it when I was really full! I got little mango snack packs for the next 3 days so hopefully I wont buy much more fruit over the next few days! I got my kidney beans and some other types to experiment with! Their all organic and in water! along with the sweetcorn and beatroot I got! Omg how embarressing! my poo for the last 2 days has been red! At first I thought it was blood which has happened before and I had to have a colonoscopy! but Im almost 100% sure its from the beans and beetroot! hey at least Im actually going atm! and I went to Holland and Barrett! I got sum manuka honey to have in hot water with lemon bc my throat is sooo sore today and I cudnt find hemp protein anywhere so I got this flaxseed and pumpkin seed mix thats high in protein? is that gud enough Vegan On Stage? also! Im going back to being a Vegan! I thought giving up my MullerLights would be life ruining so I invested in some alpro soya yoghurts. but then I realised I love my laughing cow extra light cheese spread! its only 20 calories? but hey Ill try go without it for the time being! Im back taking pro biotics again and I got some natural weight loss tablets! its a 2 week plan. It includes a diet plan which Ive yet to read but Im gonna start it 2mro! exciting. I like having a plan! and it starts the day I get my cast off! The get my life back on track diet! woop woop! k I just read the 2 week diet plan its basically a 1500 calorie diet dont eat 3 hrs b4 bed. low fat dairy. it says to have vegetables but not sweetcorn or peas?! tear y is this I bought 3 tins of sweetcorn today! I love the stuff!?!! and omg I just started to drink my laxative tea it is disgusting! haha o well Ill try anything! xx
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