Day 6+7

Ok so this should have been yesterdays post! Well I ate fruit haha! only watermelon though I just could not and did not want to resist it!! It was absolutly amazing thought and sure its just water right? haha. I ate the same then as I have been eating all week apart from the fruit but I was proud of myself bc my mom bought strwberries too and I was very tempted to eat a 2nd yoghurt which I didnt! I still look awful tho. Bc I have IBS I get soooo bloated even when I eat the smallest thing and my ribs pop out and go out further then my boobs so I just look and feel ridiculous. Im injured now but when I was dancing and it happened I would be holding back tears. To make things worse I have a cousin who is anorexic and like everyone knows and her weight fluctuates like crazy. She goes from being what people would considor a normal weight to really really thin. She was here last night munching on crisps and peanuts while I was eating water melon!? I just dont get it! its not fair! and her mom kept looking at me and saying how I looked so healthy?! ewww what the fuck! I dont wna look healthy I wanna look weak and fragile but b e full of energy at the same time. I dont really know where to go from here to be hones. I feel trapped in this body. Despite giving up fruit for 5 days the bloating didnt go away but I guess I could be getting bloated form the kidney beans! I feel like if I was a celebrity some one would sort me out in a second! they nearly always look sooo perfect. flat tummy thin arms and it really pissees me off when they give interviews and say things like ooo mexican is my favourite food I cook it everyday! I watched an add for Tori Spellings reality tv show and she was like family dinner is so important but she just sat downa and fed her kids and didnt eat?! so is that what my dinner should be?! mmm so 2day is day 7 and I know when I arrive at the train station where I live I will hit tesco express and get loads of fruit! but the thing is right now this second I dont know if I even want it! Grapes and strawberries just seem too sweet right now. Id happily just have water melon. What to do.....its just so good to have them to snack on throughout the day. I nlove being the one in charge of my food but bc I lift nearly all of it I have to be selective. maybe Ill pick up a bag of carrots and if I do get hungry after 8 I can have a carrot. and herbal tea. where are u guys all getting this laxative tea btw? Ive never seen or heard of it before I came on here! I want a hot body now and a boy for summer. I was with one on friday but then he went ff got stoned and passed out and didnt even get my number! and wev been together b4 and I know we kind of like click like but I guess I live in a different country so he doesnt take it seriously. I just wanna have sex with some one and I want them to think my body is amazing. So delicate and tiny with cute rib bones and protruding ribs! This is what I want. I havent had a carb all week ugh wtf! k pls give me some advice for what diet I should do next week I might possibly be able to start dancing again after wednesday so I will need some energy! xx
and I will be back full on commited to doing my abs, ass and arms every night x

Day 5

Sorry for the lenght of my posts lately but Im busy busy while Im back at home meeting up with friends and going drinking! I was majorly constipated today! do kidney beans do dat to u!? I got in a pisser mood today bc we had none and dats my main food at the moment haha! Im eating a tin a day! So had a kidney bean salad and stirfry done eating now for the day! Woop woop! I am so fat! fock sake! but da sun is out and 2nite is gna be amazing! I wna kiss a boy 2nite yah! So Ill keep u posted! I was gna eat an orange 2day! can u imagine! how awful would it have been to break my fruit free week! altho I am getting bored of vegetables now but it is defintely less sweet!
xxx
When I start back dancing I am considoring starting to weigh myself! eek! dont think I can handle the numbers tho to be honest! xx

Day 4

Yoghurt, protein, some seeds, celery, kidney bean stir-fry, kidney bean salad :) still bloated fat stomach but can see my ribs and spine thru my back! luv it! just need to sort out my tummy!

Day 3

I am soooooooo constipated today! fuck fuck fuck! and I have no dulcoease tablets! but I have laxative sachets somewhere but they dont work quickly and make you bloat! so Im drinking lots of hot water right now. Im gonna have a yoghurt with protein then a kidney bean salad then Im going in2 town and dunno if Im cumin back b4 I go out 2nite so I might pick up a salad with no dressing in marks and spencers!

K had my yoghurt protein and kidney bean salad got to cum hme coz not hehadin out till later. Had a low cal kidney bean stir fry with light soya sauce, and a squeeze of a fresh lime and lemon. Drinking lots of hot water aswell an managed to go to the toilet thank god! I might have another tiny salad with a few kidney beans before I go out! obviously no dressing bc I didnt have any alpro soya light 2nite! seriously barely anywhere sells it apart form holland and barreth and asda!

Ive been reading lots of the blog Inside Im Dancing! and its really making me want to have a healthy happy life! Obviously I wanna be skinny so bad! but I have to have a healthy boy to dance! Its all about trying to find the right balance for my body! but as soon as I start to eat whats considored a healthy diet my obsessivness takes over and I overeat!!!!! one bowl of cereal turns into the whole box been devoured! I cant do moderation! But Im working on it! Altho Im not eating carbs this week! Just kidney beans and vegetables! Still no fruit! I definetly over eat that stuff! But I know Ill be back on it soon and hopefully I will resist eating like 3 boxes a day!

Day 2 Wk 2

Today is going well I went out drinking last nite so got up drank loads of water with a slice of fresh lime to speed up the metabolism then didnt eat anything till like 3.30 and despite still being in my cast I went for about a 20 min walk plus I danced soooo much last nite and I did abs ass and arm exercises before I went out which Im gonna do everyday. I used to do loads more before my surgery but hey Ill get back to it as soon as I can. Ive had 2 corn on the cobs today and a glass of alpro soya light milk. I didnt mix in da protein powder today bc it is disgusting! the glass of milk is 29 calories. Im gonna have a veggie stir fry later with a spoon or 2 of beans! xx
K I was gonna have my stir fry with mixed beans in a mild chilli sauce but I decided just to have kidney beans instead! way less calories!! but bad news I tried to ave my protein supplement but it really has to be mixed and its not nice mixed wit my soya light milk so I tried to eat it unsuccessfully by myself! I nearly chocked! so I mixed it with dun dun dun a muller light yoghurt! my mom got them in! agh! newho Im done eating for te day now! I think Ill ave a vitalinia fat free yoghurt 2mro bc there half the size and therefore alf te calories even tho both are fat free! been drinking lots of peppermint tea aswell elps me go to the toilet and helps da digestion!
gna do my abs soon! x
still no fruit in 2 days! for me dats a major accomplishment! xx

Week 2!

Today I have decided Im not having any fruit for a whole week! and dats a big deal 4 me! So far I have had 2 glasses of hot water, 2 pieces of brocollie 5 mange tout 2 corn on the cob and a herbal tea! this is going so much better plus I have being going to the bathroom all day so I feel lighter even tho I luk like shit haha! Im going to have my protein drink in a bit its 111 calories! ugh but its 24grams protein which I major need! I think for dinner I will have a veg stir fry I was going to have beans for protein but their are no baked binsn but we do have mixed beans with chilli sauce which would be 156 calories??? Im undecided?! woop this week is going to be soooo good I can feel it! Im going to a bbq later but I wont be tempted to eat anything! xx

Day 8

Shit buzz! Got up ate a load of fruit! and did a lot of shoplifting! me freaking out and being nervous makes me binge but at least I only binged on fruit! I got so much stuff but it didnt give me a buzz today but I just kept doing it anyway! So I went to the airport and I text my mom to c if she booked da resteraunt and she said she didnt so I was like brilliant! but then my dad said we were gonna just go somewhere later but then we got food from these thai place! so I got green curry with brown rice! I barely ate any of the rice and the curry was vegetable so I ate da veg and tried to drain all da sauce so I dont think it was dat bad! I dont look think tho at all I look healthy! 2mro is starvation central seriously Im over this shit! stuffing myself with fruit and veg! I tink Im gna have sum protein and den veg everyday! ugh! y cant I just be thin already! fuck this shit Im so pissed off! I need more self control! u think if I cud cut out everything but fruit and veg from my diet I could limit the amount of fruit and veg I eat but its soooooo hard! ugh neway its gud dat I def wnt be able to do my own food shopping now dat Im home. Im just gna starve not ask for anything and eat nothing! eek! I hope it goes well! Im drinking 2mro nite I dont wna on an empty stomach cz last time I ended up hospitalized haha! rite wish me lux xxxxx