had a job interview so had to get up a 10 which is early for me! didnt sleep till round 4! was ridick! my morning no2 routine was ruined I tell u. I havent gone to the toilet properly so I will be takin laxatives 2nite bc if I dont go proper I no it will build up in2 an attack! grrr!
didnt eat very well today. 1 slice of toast, 1/2 a banana, cinamon. mangos, celery, vegetables, sum bolgenese light sauce a few kidney beans. h8 mi life. bloating central. suicidal. wna die. tried to go walking it was such a struggle. felt like the longest walk ever ever ever!
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
depression
2 slices of toast, tomato, reduced fata hummous, kidney beans, mushrooms, brocolli, 2 mangos, 1 apple. job interview 2mro frankly couldnt give a flying fuck! 1 walk, no yoga.
Monday, 28 September 2009
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
UGH MY MIND IS SO FUCKIN ANNOYING! Ive given it wat it wants! I went to yoga! felt starving after ate some fruit, still hungry ate toast, still hungry yoghurt! ugh! shut up!!!
I give up! I want to die
I give up! I want to die
OMG
ugh brutal brutal nite last nite! was basically up all nite! must of fell in and out of sleep afterwards but heard my dad getting up for work round 6 then my brother at 7 and then my mom and other brother round 8! was awful! got up was going to have muesili with milk but then I just had a few tablespoons of muesili by itself then had my yoghurt flaxseed and toast banana and cinamon and half a fokin melon! that seems like so much Im ashamed to be typing this! grrr anyway it was all very healthy and with skinny bitch rules! den I walked to tesco got mango and strawberries so had a bowl of that there was lovely! going to yoga at 6.30 so g2 eat my dinner at 4! wat to have....wholgrain rice with kindey beans? or I duno! I cant do this its so hard! every nite wen Im lying there hungry adn tinkin tinkin bout food I say Ill eat healthily and it will be fine but I cant its so hard! I bought laughing cow light cheese spread but I dont no if I can have it! but I could eat that with sum cracker bread and tomato instead of a whole meal yah no?
pls sum1 help me Im goin demented! Im gona go skipping for a few mins and do squats and lunges! get a little circuit going in my gaf!
xx
pls sum1 help me Im goin demented! Im gona go skipping for a few mins and do squats and lunges! get a little circuit going in my gaf!
xx
Sunday, 27 September 2009
day of 3 no2!
haha yes u read correctly!
what the fok! I have gone to the toilet everyday for a week! I awesome haha!
so happy! last nite was fun! we danced alot! alot of calories burned haha! only exercise I did today was a 40 min power walk that included to intervals of running up at least 30 steps! was fun! got up took my diet pills and all ate 3 tablespoons f muesili, my yoghurt, flaxseed. Had my banana toast and cinamon :) then I had my dinner which was butternut squash mushrooms and brocollie. Then I had mango and melon.
gna walk and do yoga 2mro! x
omg ew! its 3.40 am! I cannot sleep! I have been ignoring hunger pains for 2 hrs now and have gotton up and eaten sum sugar snaps and Im havin some hot soya milk! light of course! wtf I better be able to fall asleep now!
ugh I need to start eating properly. Im feeling brutal all da time! its not what I signed up for when I wanted to be this thin! x
what the fok! I have gone to the toilet everyday for a week! I awesome haha!
so happy! last nite was fun! we danced alot! alot of calories burned haha! only exercise I did today was a 40 min power walk that included to intervals of running up at least 30 steps! was fun! got up took my diet pills and all ate 3 tablespoons f muesili, my yoghurt, flaxseed. Had my banana toast and cinamon :) then I had my dinner which was butternut squash mushrooms and brocollie. Then I had mango and melon.
gna walk and do yoga 2mro! x
omg ew! its 3.40 am! I cannot sleep! I have been ignoring hunger pains for 2 hrs now and have gotton up and eaten sum sugar snaps and Im havin some hot soya milk! light of course! wtf I better be able to fall asleep now!
ugh I need to start eating properly. Im feeling brutal all da time! its not what I signed up for when I wanted to be this thin! x
Saturday, 26 September 2009
day 6 no 2
man I love typing no2 after all my posts teehee! hell yeh!
ok so Im not entirely impressed with todays start but Ill try stay positive and make things go my way teehee. So I set my alarm for 10 o clock so I could go to yoga at 11! thank god I had a good sleep last nite. anyway woke up and was rli tired but I gt up gt dressed contacts in make up but felt like shit. and was definelty in need of a shit! I knew it wasnt a good idea going to yoga bc I was in pain and dun dun dun felt like shit. and Im trying not to force my body to do things it doesnt want to do. Im trying to listen to it. So I had to bail on yoga :(. I got up and went downstairs and got my banana and toast and cinamon mmmm and peppermint tea and went back up to my bed and watched some kourtney and kloe take miami and 30 mins later shit done and I feel gr8! seriously this is day 6 of this little ritual and it works a charm so I cant be getting up early and rushing off ( yes 10 is early for me right now haha).
so now Im gonna go for a walk with my mom is a bit and possibly go to 4 o clock yoga bc I no Ill prolly miss yoga 2mro! I have gone for 7 days straight.
anyway Im not eating dat ww soup anymore its too hard on my system. Im liking da toast and I mite look into low fat hummous or sumtin.
carbs help me! there not so hard on my system dammit!
I want mango!
xx
still is bed watchin greys anatomy! o the gud life haha!
just read an article in cosmo about uni-rexia! bout ppl turnin ana wen they go to uni! weird eh!
I dont wna put on weight. I want ppl to go omg wen did u get so thin! jesus uv lost loadsa weight! and sum1 whos not my mom!
xx
k went walking with my mom. I didnt feel great tbh! I was struggling and all I could think about was how hungry I was! afterwards we went to lidl where I ran in and had to demolish an apple. When I got home I was going to make butternut squash soup instead I just cooked them and sprinkled them with soya sauce adn ate like chips! dey were amazing! then my mom insisted on a slice of toast! 42 cals ate it dry! now Im off to burn it all off in yoga!!
she is preparing rice for me wen I get back dammit! I will not be eating it! when I come back I will be having a yoghurt and some pineapple and mango and done for the evening!
den partying it up woop woop!
xxx
went to yoga! shudnt of gone. 2 much food in my system b4 a class not a good idea at all. anyway! its time to cop the fuck on bc I feel like shit so I got a soya yoghurt and added 3 teaspoons of muesili! I didnt eat any yday so da 3 tablespoons I ate da other nite shud be balanced out by now! Im gonna have some flaxseed now and hopefully Ill no2!
Im not going to yoga 2mro! Im taking a fokin break. I was supposed to listening to my body but Im ignoring it all over again! and being in a 90 min class and wanting to leave b4 it even started was not an enjoyable experience! x
ok so Im not entirely impressed with todays start but Ill try stay positive and make things go my way teehee. So I set my alarm for 10 o clock so I could go to yoga at 11! thank god I had a good sleep last nite. anyway woke up and was rli tired but I gt up gt dressed contacts in make up but felt like shit. and was definelty in need of a shit! I knew it wasnt a good idea going to yoga bc I was in pain and dun dun dun felt like shit. and Im trying not to force my body to do things it doesnt want to do. Im trying to listen to it. So I had to bail on yoga :(. I got up and went downstairs and got my banana and toast and cinamon mmmm and peppermint tea and went back up to my bed and watched some kourtney and kloe take miami and 30 mins later shit done and I feel gr8! seriously this is day 6 of this little ritual and it works a charm so I cant be getting up early and rushing off ( yes 10 is early for me right now haha).
so now Im gonna go for a walk with my mom is a bit and possibly go to 4 o clock yoga bc I no Ill prolly miss yoga 2mro! I have gone for 7 days straight.
anyway Im not eating dat ww soup anymore its too hard on my system. Im liking da toast and I mite look into low fat hummous or sumtin.
carbs help me! there not so hard on my system dammit!
I want mango!
xx
still is bed watchin greys anatomy! o the gud life haha!
just read an article in cosmo about uni-rexia! bout ppl turnin ana wen they go to uni! weird eh!
I dont wna put on weight. I want ppl to go omg wen did u get so thin! jesus uv lost loadsa weight! and sum1 whos not my mom!
xx
k went walking with my mom. I didnt feel great tbh! I was struggling and all I could think about was how hungry I was! afterwards we went to lidl where I ran in and had to demolish an apple. When I got home I was going to make butternut squash soup instead I just cooked them and sprinkled them with soya sauce adn ate like chips! dey were amazing! then my mom insisted on a slice of toast! 42 cals ate it dry! now Im off to burn it all off in yoga!!
she is preparing rice for me wen I get back dammit! I will not be eating it! when I come back I will be having a yoghurt and some pineapple and mango and done for the evening!
den partying it up woop woop!
xxx
went to yoga! shudnt of gone. 2 much food in my system b4 a class not a good idea at all. anyway! its time to cop the fuck on bc I feel like shit so I got a soya yoghurt and added 3 teaspoons of muesili! I didnt eat any yday so da 3 tablespoons I ate da other nite shud be balanced out by now! Im gonna have some flaxseed now and hopefully Ill no2!
Im not going to yoga 2mro! Im taking a fokin break. I was supposed to listening to my body but Im ignoring it all over again! and being in a 90 min class and wanting to leave b4 it even started was not an enjoyable experience! x
Friday, 25 September 2009
still day 5
k its still day 5. dinner was a joke! I feel like shit I look like shit! my mom said Im just hair and a head on top of a tiny body! I look like a mess. shes askin me do I wna get highlights! anything to make me look less shit right now haha! as good as the yoga is for me I cant tan or wear lotsa make up bc I just sweat it all off so I no Im lookin a mess right now but only for another few weeks till my yoga offer expires and then I cant afford it anymore! then Im gonna join the badminton club tuesdays and thursday and take up a weekly yoga class me thinks! anyway right back to me I look like shit I feel like shit. yes I did a shit. hahaha. but I feel weak and not right tbh!
anyway at dinner my mom was like I wnt to see u eating a carb so I had too. well prepare one anyway. she wanted me to have brown wholegrain rice which is kul with the skinny bitch rules right but its 255 calories a serving! wtf! so em no thank you. so I decided it wouldnt be the worst thing in the world to have a baked potato. didnt eat it! added light bolegnase sauce to my veggie kidney bean stir fry and wrapped the potato in kitchen role and disposed of it later. My mom was like Im really getting worried about u so I had to pretend to eat a carb.
neway Im goin out on the sesh 2mro nite. there are no soya yoghurts left whihc is good bc I was looking for sumtin to eat earlier and considored havin one! so Ill pick up more 2mro after yoga which Im gonna wake up early for bc after 2mro nite I dont think Ill be able to go on sunday!
I dont no where my life is goin xx
anyway at dinner my mom was like I wnt to see u eating a carb so I had too. well prepare one anyway. she wanted me to have brown wholegrain rice which is kul with the skinny bitch rules right but its 255 calories a serving! wtf! so em no thank you. so I decided it wouldnt be the worst thing in the world to have a baked potato. didnt eat it! added light bolegnase sauce to my veggie kidney bean stir fry and wrapped the potato in kitchen role and disposed of it later. My mom was like Im really getting worried about u so I had to pretend to eat a carb.
neway Im goin out on the sesh 2mro nite. there are no soya yoghurts left whihc is good bc I was looking for sumtin to eat earlier and considored havin one! so Ill pick up more 2mro after yoga which Im gonna wake up early for bc after 2mro nite I dont think Ill be able to go on sunday!
I dont no where my life is goin xx
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