Thursday, 8 October 2009


omg listen to this! sorry I havent been posting but I have been extremely up and down on da mood front!! Ive been debating wheter or not to keep posting! Its important for me to have somewhere to vent all my life fustrations but I just dont feel like it has been getting me anywhere! Ive started my personal trainer course which is alot of work but I want to take it on and do it properly! like really properly and then maybe after christmas move abroad and work as a pt! and then come back for college in september! woop woop! life plan! which means that I have to just chill the fuck out and have fun untill then! and study for my course of course haha!
Ive been walkaing super loads! doing 100 tricep dips a day! seriously my ass is so tight from all the walking! I also went to badminton! Ive bailed on the yoga! I cant do it anymore! but if I dont like something Im not gonna do it!
anyway I wasnt gonna post at all untill my mom came into me just there and was like Lexy please tell me you had some sort of carb today! I said I did! She said your lying. She said you look awful and gaunt! I dont know if any of you have that show emmerdale but theres a girl on it debbie I tink and shes anorexic in real life. I didnt no this and I dont watch da show but my mom does. I saw her on da show da other day and was like omg wat happened her she used to be pretty! is she playing a homeless person now!? and my mom was like no shes anorexic now! I was like o shit! anyways my mom was like u look like debbie from da show! I was like its bc Ive stopped wearing make up and fake tanning bc I havent been going out that much! she said no stop making stupid excuses. My uncle Lorcan even said it to her and she said she had to make excuses for it and tell him Ive been under alot of stress but I eat normally haha yeh rite! anyway Im very confused! I feel like Ive been getting fatter and fatter! I feel like my thighs and touching eachother all da time! I dont no who to believe! I always feel fat and bloated! I want to get with the boy that I like 2mro nite so bad so I cant be bloated! So Im gonna get up walk in the morning have mangos and blueberries for breakfast and lunch! then dunno what else Im gonna eat but before I go out drinking Im gonna have banana toast and cinamon :) dend drinky drink drink! make my guy love me and get my feckin number for once and for all! xxxx
k I txt my friend and asked her was I sickly thin! I wanted her to say yes! but she said no but I was very thin and definetly should not be trying to get any thinner! so not the answer I wanted! so now I feel like my mom and uncle are just being weird and Im not puttin on weight! altho I would like to get out of this food rut! Where I binge and gorge on ridiculous amounts of fruit instead of eating regular meals and then get bloated form the amount of fruit whereas I might not if I just ate a regular meal you know?

1 comment:

  1. Wow! Well, I guess what really matters is what you see when you look in the mirror (or take a pic of yourself) and how you feel about yourself. From what I read in your posts you sound as tho you are in a bit of a conundrum, treat yourself right Lexy. Only you can make you happy, y'know?