Friday, 31 July 2009

yo yo

doing better today! conditioned gettin ready to go for a walk now. dont feel great about how Im looking but Im getting on with it! 2mro is the start of a new month! no eating after 8 o clock! going interailing now! booked it randomly after my breakdown! Im going for 9 days and do u no wat was hlding me back?! thinking about havingn to eat ut with ppl?! how ridiculous is that! anyway Im going now for 9 days on the 1st of september! Im hopefully gonna start 30 days of bikram yoga on monday! gna reintroduce carbs there! brown rice me think. Today I had melon and watermelon. yoghurt seeds and nuts. kidney bean salad. Im gna have sum more watermelon before 8 o clock and then Im finished for the night adn going out! woop woop!
also going out 2mro night! so wont be eating much 2mro either yeh!
I can do this!
k getting ready to walk xx

Thursday, 30 July 2009

Im back!

oh god Im back!
ok da trip was brutal the weather was awful so there was no big long moutain walks! I did a gud bit of conditoning but there was no privacy and my mom was keeping a close eye on me! also we had to eat 2gther which made it worse cz at home I just do my own thing like. so we got veggie stir fries which was fine but Im so over them and Im very upset to discover that I have been eating kidney beans with hidden salt! anyway I havent had kidney beans in 3 days I think. I have been having da soya yoghurts but with no added protein or seeds. anyway I need to cop on and start getting carbs back into the diet. To make things worse my mom and I watched this programme about this place in ireland where ppl go for eds alcoholism and drug abuse and this girl had ed and she feckin died 5 weeks after she left. she was so messed up and had no life or desire to live. obviously I dont wnt to end up like that! I just wna luk hot end of! and Im gonna ave fun partying and getting with guys and feeling confident! Im not gna become a recleuese like! anyway my mom said she wasnt driving me home untill I ate carbs so she bought bran flakes! hello da brand she bought was full of salt and then I was like did u get soya milk bc I new she didnt and she flipped! didnt eat them anyway haha anyway wer home now! tnx to flushed comment I am gna eat sum oats bc I actually do luv them! and brown rice which I read is really gud for ur digestion and ibs! also lots of peppermint and fennel!
my mom is going away today for 2 days so gna detox fruit yoghurt nuts and seeds. the only fruit Im eating is melon and watermelon for the next 2 days! Im having a massive party next wkd and I need to luk super hot! last yr at my summer party I was so constipated I luked pregnant but my dress covered it well and I managed to get with the hottest guy ever! haha!
Im still tryna huk up with this guy james but hes so unreliable and never feckin out when I am!
neway I have physio now! Ive done an hour of body conditioning duno if Im gna walk today! I have a busy day but I will try do my best I promise! I have alot of party preparations ahead but Ill doo what I can I promise!
gna catch up on ur posts laters x
update just went to the toilet!
Il post the whole ting I read about digestion and foods dat aid it! is neone else getting majorly bunged up dieting or is it just me? x

back again
y the fuck do my moods fluctuate so much! Ive been crying non stop for 2 hrs now. great. the only way I dont cry is by acting like a complete bitch that doesnt open her mouth and just gives ppl lux saying dnt tlk to me!
y do I feel like this
neway I discovered we were actually buying the kidney beans in water so I had half a tin with salad. Im not mad bc I need the protein and I wont eat as much watermelon as I planned now.
da physio cracjed ny neck and spine. it hurt not majorly but I hhate cracking bones and it just freaked me out and I didnt no it was cumin and now Im just all upset. plus the physio said he didnt bliv I was doing my best with my exercises! hello Im dedicating my life to getting fixed here. he said he tinks my life is easy bc u c I got this t-shirt that says survival of the fittest and he said u just smile and get everything handed to u on a plate! ok Im not gna lie compared to orthers I do have a failry easy life. my parents are supportive. I drive a car I didnt have to pay anything towards and if I want sumtinIll get it! I no that sounds spoilt but all Ive asked for ever is my dance lessons and dance gear. I dont want anything else. Ive only started having a social lilfe since my injury. and my life is not easy. I have sum sort of disordered eating. I am uncomfortable with my body 24/7. Im a virgin. I have 2 very painful injuries that have ruined my first yr of dance college. and I am doubting wheter or not Im strong enough to puruse this career. plus I have no direction in my life right now. I am depressed. I wanna die. I wanna go asleep and wake up and everyhitng to be ok again bc I cant deal with this anymore!

Monday, 27 July 2009

another day!

right so last night when Ii went to bed my mom was like goodnite lexy but I really wna see u eat properly 2mro! Fuck!!!!!!!! so we try and go for a walk everyday right and I got up and while she drove my brother to work I did an hour of body conditioning! anyway I hadnt eaten yet and she back and said wer not going for a wlak till u eat a proepr breakfast! but we dont have an alpro soya yoghurts or soya light milk or nothing I can thorw together to actually look like a breakfast so then I said I dont wna eat anything heavey b4 the walk so I had a lovely bowl of watermelon! how did I ever live without that fruit haha! anyway then it started raining so we havent gone walking yet! eek! and then she was like now u have time to eat something proper! shes pushing the ryvitas and weight watchers brown bread! I wanna be healthy right like thats why I now eat alpro soya yoghurts rather than muller lights bc their have flavourings and stuff in it even tho their less calories! but weight watchers bread is like really low calorie Id rather eat that then bread but Ims ure theres bad stuff in it. mmm what to do!
plus my mom and I are going away for 2 days with my brother and Im gonna hvae to eat carbs! grrr! The last time I ate one was like 2 weeks ago I had half a potato. also btw I no carbs are in fruit and stuff but I mean like bread potatoes and pasta like.
does anyone noo a good carb I cud eat to please my mom that wont detroy me. In health and fitness they saw bran is a really gud one so Im thinking I should have a bowl in the morning! I also read that! dun dun dun! reducing your cabr intake leads to constipation! hello! is this why Im always so constipated! anyway went to the toilet there this morning wow it was amaizng!
eek think wer going for our walk now in a sec!
also started re reading skinny bitch! man that book is so intense! I felt like I was getting a major lecture so stopped haha! they eat carbs and stuff just healthy ones like wholegrain rice and bread! I need to get carbs safely back into my diet but fear a massive wweight gain! Im gonna write to health and fitness and healthy and womans fitness and ask them to help me!
I also tried to take pics of my body for u guys! I was happy withh my stomach but not my inner thighs or triceps! so Im not ready yet Im sorry!
ok went walking there! had some melon now Im sorted woop didnt have to eat anything yet! cept my lovely fruit! no yoghurts in the gaf but I think wer going to do a shop in sainsburies wen we get to da apartment wer stayin at!
I told my mom I was gonna make a really healthy meal for us tomorrow which she is of course up for bc of her health kick! all I make is veggie stir fries and kidney bean salads! so I have to make something different! I said sweet potato and courgettes with stuffed peppers! altho screw da sweet potatoes dats so a carb haha!
neway Ill find a way to get my way teehee!
mite be eating bran flakes and alpro soya light milk starting 2mro xx
o ps mitnt have internet connection for the next 2 days! xx

Sunday, 26 July 2009

woop woop!

guys I am so pleased with myself! yday I didnt eat anymore then I listed! I went out and didnt even drink my whole shoulder of vodka which is really gud too! yeh so pleased! today Ive had pereh tea my yoghurt and protein watermelon and delicious mango! all fresh my mom and I did such a gud fruit shop and guess what her and my dad are tryna lose a bit of weight so its a healthy healthy household right now! yeh! plus last night on the way to my freidns I drank luke warm peppermint tea with lemon and then I went to the toilet and had a lovely tummy for going out! plus my bum exercises are totally paying off! I was walking round in my pants yeh! haha! not happy with the inner thighs just yet but Ill get there! positive positive positive! gonna stick to fruit again today for the rest of the day! gonna walk with my mom and do my conditioning with weights on! I did double conditioning yday instead of the 2 walks bc the weather was meh! had such a gud time with my friend last night! yeh! how does my mood fluctuate this much its crazy! Im gonna have to go back and read my old posts bc I cnt member the last time I had a period but it was fairly recent Im sure! happy happy ha dunno y!I luv going out with my friend Siobhan bc we have so much fun and she nos Im weird with food! like I even brought my own breakfast for the next day and stuff and she didnt say anything! she always says Im so good for being able to be really healthy and I dont make her feel bad for ewating wat she wants!
anyhoodle thats it for now! xxx
update! I did my body conditioning for over an hour and an hour of walking! no dinner just frui! I rock xx

Saturday, 25 July 2009

new day!

Right new day!
woke up an hour and 5 mins of body conditioning with leg weights on!
1 alpro soya yoghurt with protein.
1 laxee tea!
Ive gone to the toilet but its not enough yet! my stomach isnt flat enough for my liking just yet!
Im going for a walk with my mom later but while shes going shopping Im gonna go for a walk! this will def make up for my laziness yday! Also Im going to meet my friend 2nite and wer going out in her town! its always a gud laugh! so Im seeing her later yeh! plus when I go to her town I always score this boy and hes so charming so hope hes there!
got lots of numbers out on thursday night and Im texting 2 guys who both wna take me out! there not the hotties I was lukin for but whats da harm in a date eh! it could prepare me for my prince charming!
also my brother and I made a pact to do our ab workout everyday but we both didnt yday so Ill prolly be doing abs again with him! yeh!
well thats my news! Im only eating fruit today! hopefully my mom will go to lidl and get me a massive watermelon mmmmm.......

Friday, 24 July 2009

damn it!

ok first of all got ridiculously drunk last night and turned into a moody bitch! txt this guy whos into but being rude to me a really mean msg and he was like right can we start again how are you! and I just ignored it! then txt this guy who asked me out on a date this random unreadable txt like! then got 2 guys numbers who were friends and standing beside eachother! and I was like is this not weird ur both getting my number haha! plus made up so many lies! and didnt get laid btw! didnt wna with sum random ugly person da guy has to be hot hot hot! and worship my kick ass body! haha well Im almost there! me and my brother did abs last night so did double abs! defo made up for takin da day off like! plus only ate half a tin of kidney beans and tesco are still out of alpro soya yoghurts and Im not having seeds 2day! Ive eaten 2 pairs and melon! Ill have veggie stir fry later and tea! btw Im back on these fat metaboliser tablets and I got laxee tea so Im gna have a cup a day!
g2 go physio now!
Im in a good mood! dunno why! bc its thunder and lightening out but Im still gonna fit in a walk at sum stage!

wow day turned shit! I ate and ate and ate andn just wasnt satisfied! my mom got alpro soya yoghurts ate 2 with protein and also had half a tin of kidney beans! everything was healthy but man I feel like shit now. so constipated and bloated! gud thing Im not goin out 2nite! o well! went for walk no conditioning just my physio tho! mad at myself but I am actually so tired!
2mro Ill wake up and have a shower and moisterize den do my conditioning naked aha it makes me work harder! den Il walk with my mom and go buy fruit in lidl after! no kidney beans 2mro! just fruit Im thinking yoghurt and protein! Im feeling weak and dizzy lately! love going to the physio he always says stuff like you are so petit yur just skin and bone ur muscles are so small! love it!

wont binge again ever I promise! wasnt a major binge but u n everythings healthy healthy! xx
having laxee tea now!

Thursday, 23 July 2009


ok yesterday I got up ate fruit thenw ent to town to see my friend! did a walk to the bus stop and a walk back wait did I post about this already? neway think I did! got off bus early to walk home then went for a 50 min walk in the fecking pissingn rain! ate a whole tin of kidney beans and then a shit load of fruit! very annoyed with my fruit intake tbh but watever Ill get over! today Im doing better! a bit of pineapple for breakfast. kidney bean salad (half a tin only), then 2 apples. thats it so far o and 3 baby spoons of nuts! damn those nuts and seeds! as said in FLUSHED! blog! seeds are those things you cant just have one of! y do we always wnt more of them! anyway didnt eat any for the last 2 days! also yday I was meant to not eat a yoghurt coz I had 2 the day b4 but I rli wnted 1 and drove to tesco but they were out of stock! yeh! so I didnt eat one! yeh balanced out again haha! my mm said we mite go 4 a walk and then to aldi to get lots of fruit and hopefully watermelon but the weather is being skitzo! I will still go for a walk if its raining but she wnt and I hate going alone but I will go obviously like! but I watchin amovie now. nick and norahs infinate playlist! luv it!
anyway I did all my body conditioning b4 I even left my room this morning. I extended my arms and legs conditioning to make u p for yday! Im gonna do a bit more later if Ive time too! I really wna get my walk in.
also in town yday did a bit of lifting! Im such a knacker when it comes to shoplifting and I hope it doesnt make u guys think Im not nice or whatever but I luv to do it! I get such a high! I got loads of st tropez tan! like da biggest bottle ever. then a sewing kit and beads and stuff! and fruit in m and s! dat place is so expensive!
neway dats da story for now........
Im tryna get a job at a music festival!
tryna get laid tonight! pls gd let me come across the hottest guy in the world and let him want to take my virginity!

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

wers all dis going?!

so yday was actually such a gud day! I had so muc fun! I met up with 3 girls on my road we used to be best friends in primary school but just went our seperate ways so we all met up and went to see a dance show and then out for drinks! I drank vodka and diet 7up! I dont punish myself for drinnking vodka bc I feel great when I do and when I drink I stop eating in the evening so Im sure it balances out sumhow! They all wanted cocktails tho and I really didnt they are just sugar like! but we got these vouchers so then I had to order one! so I got an appletini c it luked like da safest bet but then I didnt drink it! any of it! yeh proud! also got a shit load of guys to buy me drinks! amazing! and totally killed it on da dance floor so burned lots of calories Im sure! anyway today I got up early did my arms and my physio exercises walked 20 mins to the bus stop and then walked around town alot and then got off da bus so early so I cud have another walk back! my moms not up for a walk so Im gna go for another one in a bit and finish my exercises then going to my friends and altering dresses with her new sewing machine! very productive teehee!
o btw yesterday I didnt have any seeds but I also had two fecking alpro soya yoghurts! but hey according to skinny bitch u can eat as much stuff as u want as long as its on their healthy list and that is! but Im not gna make a habit of it!
Also no seeds so far today and out of yoghurts so it balances out again but Im gonna eat a whole thing of kidney beans! my friend and I send eachother positive texts everyday bc Im dwn over not dancing and shes having a hard time! neway yday she sent me da best one! "you are prettier and skinnier than all your friends"!
yeh luv it wish I cud bliv in myself more!
so not arsed to do my exercises today! but I will!!!!!!!!! xxxx
love to all u health concious ambitious and determines girls! x

Monday, 20 July 2009

gud gud!

2 and a half hours of walking and an hour of body conditioning!
1 alpro soya yoghurt with seeds and spoon of protein
one necterine
veg stir fry with half a tin of kidney beans
pereh tea!
out of slim t now tear!
felt very weak tired and cranky all day but watever! meeting up with old friends 2mro havent been out with them b4! had to get out of the meal by sayin I was broke so now wer going 4 just drinks tnk god! I was nearly gna panick cnt sit thru another meal dat soon again!
g2 luk so hot 2mro!
tnx 4 all ur support guys xx

What Ive been up to!

wow once da wkd hit I really didnt have time to blog at all! so Im gonna have a bit of a catch up now on ur guys blogs adn my own! this wkd! I think it was successful and unsuccessful at the same time. On friday it was hilarious I got up at 7 am to hit River Island sale for 8! then they didnt have the stuff I wanted in that one so I hit the next river island where the sale started at 9! I got 5 new dresses! haha! yeh! then I had a driving pre-test which went pretty well! then my friend was having a sleepover bc she was sick and couldnt go out and my other friend was coming straight to my house! so I did a 45 min boyd conditioning wrk out b4 she got here but didnt get to do a walk! neway only ate fruit that day! at the sleepover my friends no what Im like so they both me melon and strawberries while they ate pizza and also diet 7up which makes me feel full! so yeh!
The on Saturday I ate barely anything. a bit of fruit and a veg stir fry with some kidney beans. I also had to do the food shop for my mom and she insisted I tsart drinking soya milk again which isnt that big of a deal. so I bought alpro soya light and some soya yoghurts. Im now taking the yoghurts with a spoon of soya protein powder and a spoon of seeds.1 altho I need to have a day where I dont eat any seeds soon! there getting too nice! haha! I only got to do likek 20 mins body conditioning bc was with my friends all day bc they were staying in mine and we were out again that night!
Sunday had to be up for a funerl in a county 3 hrs away so had 2 hrs sleep and was up at 8 am! ahhh! had my yoghurt protein and seed mix. a peppermint tea. then at the funeral meal I had a tiny bowl of veg soup! ewww! but I had to every1 made such a big deal of me being able to eat it of course I didnt eat the bread. then for the main course I asked for a vegetarian plate bc they were serving roast beef. and I just wnted the potatoes and veg like but they were like we have pasta, veg lasagne and veg fajittas! I was like just a plate of veg and potatoes! so I ate brocolli and half a potato! haha I felt great but this bitch across from me was like oh god ur not a vegetarian are u! I live with one and she drives me mad! I was like yeh ok fuck off how is my vegetarianism affecting ur life right now! ugh what a bitch I was so angry haha!
anyway didnt eat again untill I got home I had to make a veg stir fry and then I finished my last slim t tea bag!!!!!
noooooooooooo! so on wednesday Im going to holland and barrett again and Ill get sum new diet thing to start taking and maybe some more laxee t! altho its bad for u to take them to often!
anywho so thats what I have been up 2! o and member the boy I was saying I liked but then went off! I officially blew him off it was so awkward and then he started insulting me! I was like yeh thats the way to get me back! 1 night stand thursday possibly ah! gonna try fit in 2 walks today bc it is very nice! and defo have to do my abs and ass today and my arms and legs haha!

Sunday, 19 July 2009

Thursday, 16 July 2009

another day

ok so today I got up and did my conditioning workout in my room! I swear my ass is so sore from these new exercises Im doing so hopefully Im on my way to buns of steel teehee! den I worked on my arms legs and tummy! then my mom was pissing me off! its like ever since I moved back Im in da way and messy! and Im actually qiuete a tidy person but Im not gonna lie my room is a tip but that is totally to be expected I just moved back after living away for a year! thats two rooms worth of stuff in one like! so I went for a massive 1.30 min walk to calm down haha! then went to physio said Im improving but found out I have probs with my neck and shoulder! Im just in so much pain! I wnt to look after my body so bad but be thin at the same time! should I eat sum carbs! my mom asked me today do I eat any carbs!? and I tried to lie but she nos and then she kept tryna make me eat weetabix and ryvita! I do have major ibs but I totally use it as an excuse not to eat stuff I dnt wna! neway she was lik ur on ur way to anorexia blah blah blah!
my friend told me yesterdya I had a hot body but any thinner wud be too thin! and then when the physio was looking at my shoulders and back he was like jesus theres nutin on u! its just muscle and bone! from an anatomical view its great haha! he said Im tiny too like the size of his little niece! I was of course luving all this comments!
anyway ate pretty much the same as yday! ate after 8 both days but it was of course either fruit or veg so not the end of the world!
Im eating seeds and nuts I no theres calories in them but I need some fats in my diet! eww! I no!
what should I do about carbs!??
I wonder! I wna be healthy for dance like??
neway going to a sleepover thing 2mro my friends no I dont eat shit tho so thats grand! also going out on sat which means I stop eating really early in order to drink and then my friend usually stays in mine and since I dont really like eating in front of ppl it means I dont eat till way late! good all round!
newho dats it! xx

Wednesday, 15 July 2009


ok so it was my last day in england yesterday for the time being! so I went on a major fruit binge! it was disgusting! I had cherries mango kiwi all the types of melon just so so so much!! it was ridickulous and den when I got home I ate a tin of kidneys beans and salad and more watermelon!!! den my ibs went crazy I cudnt sleep all nite and next thing u n I have diarea! k I no this is a disgusting post but hey at least I wasnt constipated! andn I no da calories were prbly all absorbed at least all da bulk came out! yeh!!!!
so neway I was way too sick to go to yoga today and I mitnt be starting till next week now bc I dnt wna do it alone its too hard too!!
anyway went for 2 walks 2day bout 50 mins. den did my abs and legs and twisty bord. a few minutes on mi hula hoop and an hour of physio!
I ate a bowl of watermelon. den I had had half a tink of kidneys beans and salad. den a handful of nuts. den da other half of the tin with salad. now I need a bit more salad bc Im still hungry!!! grr! but everythin I eat is now going to fit in a smal cereal bowl so its not too much! soo it lux like Im trying da 6 small meals tings and Im not gna eat after 8!
also started da day with green tea and lemon tea. still on da slim teas. cudnt find where I put my probiotics so havent taken them today!
yeh gud day! altho I dnt wnt this to be my life. I wna do sumtin else in the day! I wnt a balance! but this is hard wrk!
gna practice my music and shower and sort out all my packing and work on my wall of positivity!
my rents want me to get a job! not happening! When Im hotter next wk Ill go out for 1 night stands! dats da plan anyway xx
give me advice? if the guys rly drunk and Im a virgin but dont tell him wud he no?!

Monday, 13 July 2009


ah ok so my aunt came up today to take sum of my stuff and she said Ill take u to lunch! o wonderful! isnt that what every restricted dieter wants to hear haha! neway I was like ok dont panic Ill take her to the rainbow cafe which is a vegan resteruant with gluten free options approved my Gillian McKeith! Its what I like to call a safe resteraunt. If I have to eat sumwhere it will be there! but then walking into town my aunt was like Im taking u to a korean resteraunt and I was like o fuck den it was closed so we went to my place yeh! duno if she was impressed but my mom says she is very healthy and she grows her own veg and stuff so I think it was ok. I got a 3 bean chilli with salad no dressing or cheese and brown rice. I ate none of da rice! o yeh! still no carbs for this bitch haha! well except whatever fruit counts as carbs. neway after I was like ok I wont eat for the rest of da day. of course that was followed by alt of fruit but Im finished my intake now and its 6.25 so I have a good 5 hours to digest all this b4 I go out! so fingers crossed Ill be looking fab by then. I havent yet but when I feel less full I will do my abs and stuff. g2 finish packing so when I wake up 2moro everything is gud to go!
luvage xx

Sunday, 12 July 2009

fruit and alcohol!

yes fruit and alcohol thats what I consumed today! yes a good deal of fruit but still I neverfully bloated up and I wave no evened out the 2 kidney beans in one day thing! however Im not going to have any kidney beans 2mro either bc I dont wna be bloaty when I possibly plan to get laid. thinking some one is going to see u naked soon is a really gud insentive to not eat. I did abs and legs today and a shit load of packing and cycling. 2mro more fruit fruit fruit mmmmmmmmm......! and more packing up my life in england for hopefully just untill september. Ive accumulated so much shit from all da shoplifting sprees. o well Im hitting river isand 2mro to possibly buy something and den h and m where my shoplifting temptations speak to me! haha!
mmmm so fruit fruit fruit vodka packing sorted. then flying back on tuesday! ahhh! actually stressin! but no worries thats making me poo right nw so all gud in da hood haha ps Im drunk now. x

Saturday, 11 July 2009


So Im back in England! back to my dance filled life where everyone worships dancing including me but of course Im the only one who is injured. so depressed again but not majorly but probly will be 2mro! bc at the same time I wna have fun with all my roomates bc its r last wkd 2gther! but there all tired from doing the show and also Ive to clean out my room! I cannot bliv how much crap I have accumulated! Bc I live in a diff country my aunt is gna take sum of it back to her house in england but omg I told her there wasnt that much but there is! today I ate a tin of kidney beans. I plan to have none 2mro to make up for the day where I ate 2. then lots of fruit and I have been having the runs since which is gud gud. Hopefully Ill be going out 2mro nite and possibly getting laid at last but wel c . Im not giving it up to an average joe this guy better be fuckin hot like! but ugh dont no what da roomates wna do and ppl are blah blah blah packing and what not.
gna get lots of fruit 2mro in m and s in the morning and finish packin try get a ticket to da dance show and go out in the evening! I did my exercises today b4 flying and Ill def do my abs arms and ass and legs in the morning! well def da abs and arms anyway! and the legs and da bum haha!
brikram yoga on tuesday woop woop gna be ripped!
I want lots of fruit! lots and lots and lots!
manog melon cherries!
no grapes anymore! Im sorry but that actually deserves a medal! I used to eat practically 4 boxes a day! a day! yes I am a weirdo haha x

Friday, 10 July 2009


ew I turned int a total heffer today! I ate a kiwiw sum watermelon 2 cans of kidney beans and salad and a melon! a whle fuckin melon adn 2 small boxes of mango! da ting is I was never uncomfortable or bloated!? I think its bc I had diarea! anyway I took a shit load of laxatives and am drinking my slim t now! 2mro Im working out! havin my kidney bean salad den Im travelin back to the uk gna get sum fruit for 2nite and be minimilistic food wise for the next few days! damn Im an idiot! but yum I luv those kidney beans! xx


so last nite I kind of deflated which was surprising considoring I didnt no.2! but anyway Im not complaining! now today I have feckin diareah! my body is sooo messed up haha! I finished da watermelon this morning adn had a tin of kidneys beans with salad! and its only 10 past 2! I cleaned the house for an hour. Ive to get a bus into towna nd then another bus sumwhere else to get mri scans 2day and Im going to cinema straight after and then 2mro Im going to the airport so Im feeling a little frazzled! mmm what to do. like Ive eaten todays intake already! unless I pick up more watermelon?? that is a possibility Im not gna lie. den I can have that 2mro b4 I fly.......
anyway I think Ill do body conditioning while I watch desperate housewives and then I need to pack my bag! ahhh I hate getting public transport Id drive but its too far away and Im not licensed! haha! o fuck!!!
Im gna c bruno later yeh! sry lack of news! I tried to get with a guy who was so not amazingly hot but he was totally wasted I was pissed!
I decided Im gna have a one nite stand very advice?!
o btw my friend is really thin like shes a size 6/8 and I think shes smaller then me and I told her I got a dress and she has to borrow it for this party Im having and she was like wow what size is it am I goin to have to starve myself to fit into it?! I was like what yur thinner then me! I always say how unfair it is that u and ur sister are naturally thin! and she was like Lexy ur way thinner!
and then this morning I was like o my stomach is going crazy and she was like maybe u shud eat sumtin?!
maybe I am thinner then I think. I dont wna weigh myself tho numbers scare me and I n o Ill get obsessed. plus my moms hidden the scales teehee!

Thursday, 9 July 2009


Thank god yday is over. I went on a bit of a fruit binge and then had a veg stir fry! y all bc Im an idiot! I was driving to physio but all I was thinkin about was going too the super market after and picking up some food so what do I do! I drove to the supermarket whicih is in da total opposite direction of the physio! hah its kinda funny but I was so annoyed and then I was like Im sure I can findn a different way to drive to physio so I tried but failed so had to drive all da way back to my house to go! what person only knows 1 route haha. then I was all emotional treated my physio therapist like a counsellor and he asked me if I had a bf and I was like NO! and he said y did u say it like that. I told him Im so emotional and a total mess and that I would never inflict myself on anyone! haha! I was tearing up da whole sessin. so on the way home went to the supermarket and lifted loadsa fruit! Ive totally put myself of grapes tho which is amazing for me bc last time I was home I could eat like 3-5 boxes in a day! ewww! I might have a box this wkd but wel c.
Im drinking green t with lemon every morning. pereh t after lunch and slim t after dinner. Today Ive had a kidney bean salad. was well nice. Im gna work out now in a bit. Ive been doing this dvd sun power yoga for the last 2 days then body conditioning. I might walk to the supermarket and get sme melon and strawberries but Im not sure yet but thats a good 40 mins walk so its a gud idea.
Does anyone use this thingn called the speed shaper? I saw it in a magazine. It says u use it fr 7 mins a day. Id use it for at least 30 tho which cud possible have me ripped! o yeh! haha!
I wna hav sex sn! being a virgin is so not workin for me. In a way I just wna be so hot and untouchable to guys but on the other hand I just want sum1 to do me now! seriously. I wna go to river island now and just say to the hot guy u me changing rooms now haha! then he wud f course tink Im a slut when Im totally not. It really annoys me. ppl say Im hot and I no Im not ugly but I wna be hotter. the hottest. perfectin. ppl think Im like 16 when Im infact 22 bc I have a little girls body. I luv dat. especially in summer dresses I luk really young haha. but I wna be thinner thinner thinner. When I come back from england this wkd Im doing 30 days of bikram yoga! o yeh! have ne off u heard about it!
k so I walked down to tesco bought a watermelon and 2 litl packs of mango and diet 7up mmmmm!
40 min walk and an hour of conditioning. yeh! I woudl do more if I wasnt injured and meant to be takin it easy like. gna go practice my music now! luvage xx

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

2 day posts!

lux like Im postin every 2 days now!
anyways more shit shit shit! Im sorry but it makes me happy! u do not well maybe u do understand what being constipated can do to a girls confidence! I feel heavey and bloated and like Im carrying a child! I actually haave managed to get my flat tummy back but when I am constipated I look possibly pregnant! and Im not exagerating!
so 2 days on taking my fibre capsules and hot water like theres no 2moro! Im drinking green t with lemon every morning, pereh t after lunch and slim t after dinnner! Ate a bit to much yday let myself go far to hungry and even when I did eat I just wnted more but it was all gud fruit and veg. altho da last 2 days I have had kidney beans whic def make me bloat but Im not gna have ne 2day bc of da amt I ate yday plus no seeds 2day either. gna have a salad for lunch den I have physio and gna go to shops after that and get some fruit. Ive been having mango and cherries again! but I think I want watermelon today! mmm luv dat stuff!
tinks with this boy have fizzled out its my fault! I act like Im way in2 some 1 like I rli wnt them and then I no they like me and then I start picking faults with them and say Im not really that into them! eek! its bad bc we hang in the same circle. o well!
I like a boy I saw workin in river island and I went back looking hot to flirt which Im actually quiete gud at but he wasnt wrkin ugh! I tink I just wnt to persue him bc Im a challenge!ppl tink Im actually a litl man eater but Im not bc Im a virgin but I like t get guys to want me and then I get afriad about them getting to no me and ditch them!
I think Im just gna have to have a 1 nite stand with sum hottie at this stage!
being doing lots of shoplifting lately! got me a whole new wardrobe! but have da fear still. my paretns left me money to buy food there gone away for a week and I spent it all on day 1! on new trainers and a dress! I am officially and most definetly a size 6 or 4 oon top possibly and still an 8 n my ass! grrr! I think thats da equivalent to a 2 and a 4 in america?! I dont no!
luv u guys hope every1s doing well! xxx

Sunday, 5 July 2009

the last 2/3 days!

yeh totally deflated! turned out I was pmsing! I got my period and den everything fell into place. 18 moviol, 16 fibre capsules and like 50 laxee teas later haha! I luv when I have my flat stomach I feel totally ripped and like I can do netin! friday and saturday were both very gud nites out! only ate fruit the last 2 days and then today I had fruit and veg!
n exercise 2day but watever! 2mros a new day! so so so tired from my fab social life! yeh I pood! its amazing how it can change ur life haha! x

Thursday, 2 July 2009


whats da best way to deflate in one day?! I need a bowel movement and to eat a litl sumtin as Im drinkin 2mro nite xx


right 8 movicl later and Ive shifted some of the shit dat fills my by body. I worked at da sumemr camp gain today. My mom wanted to see me eat a banana b4 I left. I ate a necterine instead and didnt eat again till just there. little stir fry 1 table spoon of kidney beans. Im gna go check if ders ne watermelon now....yum. going shopping in an hr or so wna get me sum clothes for the wkd den going to the cinema with my cuz! da weather is shit rite now and is makin me feel like I have absolutly no energy :(
on da upside Im din my physio exercises on my foot and am hoping it is improving. Im seeing my physio again 2mro. going out 2mro and sat need my flat not constipated body back! xI feel fat x

Wednesday, 1 July 2009


OMG! ever since I started restricting I develped IBS and have been dealing with constipation which is so bad! Right now I have 5 days of shit in my stomach! no joke u can c it all. My mom even said it. I have a little sorry big belly hanging out now bc Im so bunged up! Ive been doing everything. Laxatives, hot water! I dont no what to do. My mom wants me to try a supositree but I actually cant! bad child hood memories! Ive actually always been prone to constipation bc Im a little ball of stress.
Worked in the summer camp today. Had to eat an apple when I woke up first bc I thought I was gna die. also had 1 tblsp of linseed (help u poo apparently) and hot water then I ate a strawberry sum green beans and then at 6 after a walk where I thought I was gna faint I had a decent sized stiry fry with half a tin of kidney beans! Im having some pineapple later and then I am done for the day! Im also gna have 8 movicol for feacal impactment but they destroy my tummy! its a hard life having disordered eating, ibs and an injury and a fear of relationships! haha!
At da summer camp I was so lucky to avoid eating! bc they wnted to order a pizza so I hid in the changing rooms but den my bro who wrks der aswell was like come out and socialize! I was lukin a bit like a loner so I went out and thank god der was a mix up with the pizzas so dey tuk a lunch order so I ordered a sandwhich and hid it! haha I brought it home to give to my mom but den I realised shed no I didnt eat it! so its in my room. I wna give it to sum1 I hate wasting food!
2mro I will be fine bc Im doing da administration work so Ill be in an office alone! yeh! haha ne of guys have remedies for constipation.......?
pls x