Sunday, 31 May 2009

Day 6+7

Ok so this should have been yesterdays post! Well I ate fruit haha! only watermelon though I just could not and did not want to resist it!! It was absolutly amazing thought and sure its just water right? haha. I ate the same then as I have been eating all week apart from the fruit but I was proud of myself bc my mom bought strwberries too and I was very tempted to eat a 2nd yoghurt which I didnt! I still look awful tho. Bc I have IBS I get soooo bloated even when I eat the smallest thing and my ribs pop out and go out further then my boobs so I just look and feel ridiculous. Im injured now but when I was dancing and it happened I would be holding back tears. To make things worse I have a cousin who is anorexic and like everyone knows and her weight fluctuates like crazy. She goes from being what people would considor a normal weight to really really thin. She was here last night munching on crisps and peanuts while I was eating water melon!? I just dont get it! its not fair! and her mom kept looking at me and saying how I looked so healthy?! ewww what the fuck! I dont wna look healthy I wanna look weak and fragile but b e full of energy at the same time. I dont really know where to go from here to be hones. I feel trapped in this body. Despite giving up fruit for 5 days the bloating didnt go away but I guess I could be getting bloated form the kidney beans! I feel like if I was a celebrity some one would sort me out in a second! they nearly always look sooo perfect. flat tummy thin arms and it really pissees me off when they give interviews and say things like ooo mexican is my favourite food I cook it everyday! I watched an add for Tori Spellings reality tv show and she was like family dinner is so important but she just sat downa and fed her kids and didnt eat?! so is that what my dinner should be?! mmm so 2day is day 7 and I know when I arrive at the train station where I live I will hit tesco express and get loads of fruit! but the thing is right now this second I dont know if I even want it! Grapes and strawberries just seem too sweet right now. Id happily just have water melon. What to do.....its just so good to have them to snack on throughout the day. I nlove being the one in charge of my food but bc I lift nearly all of it I have to be selective. maybe Ill pick up a bag of carrots and if I do get hungry after 8 I can have a carrot. and herbal tea. where are u guys all getting this laxative tea btw? Ive never seen or heard of it before I came on here! I want a hot body now and a boy for summer. I was with one on friday but then he went ff got stoned and passed out and didnt even get my number! and wev been together b4 and I know we kind of like click like but I guess I live in a different country so he doesnt take it seriously. I just wanna have sex with some one and I want them to think my body is amazing. So delicate and tiny with cute rib bones and protruding ribs! This is what I want. I havent had a carb all week ugh wtf! k pls give me some advice for what diet I should do next week I might possibly be able to start dancing again after wednesday so I will need some energy! xx
and I will be back full on commited to doing my abs, ass and arms every night x

Friday, 29 May 2009

Day 5

Sorry for the lenght of my posts lately but Im busy busy while Im back at home meeting up with friends and going drinking! I was majorly constipated today! do kidney beans do dat to u!? I got in a pisser mood today bc we had none and dats my main food at the moment haha! Im eating a tin a day! So had a kidney bean salad and stirfry done eating now for the day! Woop woop! I am so fat! fock sake! but da sun is out and 2nite is gna be amazing! I wna kiss a boy 2nite yah! So Ill keep u posted! I was gna eat an orange 2day! can u imagine! how awful would it have been to break my fruit free week! altho I am getting bored of vegetables now but it is defintely less sweet!
When I start back dancing I am considoring starting to weigh myself! eek! dont think I can handle the numbers tho to be honest! xx

Thursday, 28 May 2009

Day 4

Yoghurt, protein, some seeds, celery, kidney bean stir-fry, kidney bean salad :) still bloated fat stomach but can see my ribs and spine thru my back! luv it! just need to sort out my tummy!

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Day 3

I am soooooooo constipated today! fuck fuck fuck! and I have no dulcoease tablets! but I have laxative sachets somewhere but they dont work quickly and make you bloat! so Im drinking lots of hot water right now. Im gonna have a yoghurt with protein then a kidney bean salad then Im going in2 town and dunno if Im cumin back b4 I go out 2nite so I might pick up a salad with no dressing in marks and spencers!

K had my yoghurt protein and kidney bean salad got to cum hme coz not hehadin out till later. Had a low cal kidney bean stir fry with light soya sauce, and a squeeze of a fresh lime and lemon. Drinking lots of hot water aswell an managed to go to the toilet thank god! I might have another tiny salad with a few kidney beans before I go out! obviously no dressing bc I didnt have any alpro soya light 2nite! seriously barely anywhere sells it apart form holland and barreth and asda!

Ive been reading lots of the blog Inside Im Dancing! and its really making me want to have a healthy happy life! Obviously I wanna be skinny so bad! but I have to have a healthy boy to dance! Its all about trying to find the right balance for my body! but as soon as I start to eat whats considored a healthy diet my obsessivness takes over and I overeat!!!!! one bowl of cereal turns into the whole box been devoured! I cant do moderation! But Im working on it! Altho Im not eating carbs this week! Just kidney beans and vegetables! Still no fruit! I definetly over eat that stuff! But I know Ill be back on it soon and hopefully I will resist eating like 3 boxes a day!

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Day 2 Wk 2

Today is going well I went out drinking last nite so got up drank loads of water with a slice of fresh lime to speed up the metabolism then didnt eat anything till like 3.30 and despite still being in my cast I went for about a 20 min walk plus I danced soooo much last nite and I did abs ass and arm exercises before I went out which Im gonna do everyday. I used to do loads more before my surgery but hey Ill get back to it as soon as I can. Ive had 2 corn on the cobs today and a glass of alpro soya light milk. I didnt mix in da protein powder today bc it is disgusting! the glass of milk is 29 calories. Im gonna have a veggie stir fry later with a spoon or 2 of beans! xx
K I was gonna have my stir fry with mixed beans in a mild chilli sauce but I decided just to have kidney beans instead! way less calories!! but bad news I tried to ave my protein supplement but it really has to be mixed and its not nice mixed wit my soya light milk so I tried to eat it unsuccessfully by myself! I nearly chocked! so I mixed it with dun dun dun a muller light yoghurt! my mom got them in! agh! newho Im done eating for te day now! I think Ill ave a vitalinia fat free yoghurt 2mro bc there half the size and therefore alf te calories even tho both are fat free! been drinking lots of peppermint tea aswell elps me go to the toilet and helps da digestion!
gna do my abs soon! x
still no fruit in 2 days! for me dats a major accomplishment! xx

Monday, 25 May 2009

Week 2!

Today I have decided Im not having any fruit for a whole week! and dats a big deal 4 me! So far I have had 2 glasses of hot water, 2 pieces of brocollie 5 mange tout 2 corn on the cob and a herbal tea! this is going so much better plus I have being going to the bathroom all day so I feel lighter even tho I luk like shit haha! Im going to have my protein drink in a bit its 111 calories! ugh but its 24grams protein which I major need! I think for dinner I will have a veg stir fry I was going to have beans for protein but their are no baked binsn but we do have mixed beans with chilli sauce which would be 156 calories??? Im undecided?! woop this week is going to be soooo good I can feel it! Im going to a bbq later but I wont be tempted to eat anything! xx

Sunday, 24 May 2009

Day 8

Shit buzz! Got up ate a load of fruit! and did a lot of shoplifting! me freaking out and being nervous makes me binge but at least I only binged on fruit! I got so much stuff but it didnt give me a buzz today but I just kept doing it anyway! So I went to the airport and I text my mom to c if she booked da resteraunt and she said she didnt so I was like brilliant! but then my dad said we were gonna just go somewhere later but then we got food from these thai place! so I got green curry with brown rice! I barely ate any of the rice and the curry was vegetable so I ate da veg and tried to drain all da sauce so I dont think it was dat bad! I dont look think tho at all I look healthy! 2mro is starvation central seriously Im over this shit! stuffing myself with fruit and veg! I tink Im gna have sum protein and den veg everyday! ugh! y cant I just be thin already! fuck this shit Im so pissed off! I need more self control! u think if I cud cut out everything but fruit and veg from my diet I could limit the amount of fruit and veg I eat but its soooooo hard! ugh neway its gud dat I def wnt be able to do my own food shopping now dat Im home. Im just gna starve not ask for anything and eat nothing! eek! I hope it goes well! Im drinking 2mro nite I dont wna on an empty stomach cz last time I ended up hospitalized haha! rite wish me lux xxxxx

Saturday, 23 May 2009

Day 7!

so week one is now offically complete! Fruit and veg for a whole week with the exception of 3 muller light yoghurts and a bowl of soup! was so very tempted to steal some of my room mates amazing cereal! but its 280 calories a bowl with milk and I do not stop at one bowl! haha my frien came over and stayed for the whole day and we were hungry an she kept saying when do u eat? r u hungry yet? so I made a veggie stir fry with light soy sauce and she had hers with pasta! I wouldnt even taste it to see if it was cooked properly for her eek! she knows Im a weird one! haha! o well! Tesco had grapes in today so I was less paranoid but still no mango but I didnt mind so much. 2mro Im gonna stop there b4 I hit da airport and get a box of grapes and a mango box if they have any! and then I wont eat again untill I eat out! and its my dads birthday and Im gonna enjoy my lebanese meal! bc I actually do not remember da last time Ive eaten in a resteraunt! actually I do. I said my wisdom teeth were cumin up and drank water haha!
So just coz Im eating a meal 2mro doesnt mean Im gna write of 2mro as a waste and end up saying o Ive eaten this I mite as well binge! It means on Monday I start my protein based diet! woop woop! ne suggestions for it pls xx

Friday, 22 May 2009

Day 6!

ok day 6 is here woop! starting feeling major down and isolated yesterday especially when I was watching the documentaries! I no starting this blog is probably gonna make my problems with food worse bc when I eat Im now thinking about writing on here and sharing it with u guys. 2Day I feel like absolute shit y? bc my body is bunged up with it. I havent gone to the toilet properly in days and my laxative sachets are not effective! Im gonna have to go by some dulocolax or something I usually have to drink a whole bottle to get a bowel movement tho. Also Im just so bored of being injured I would be dancing my way to thinness if I wasnt injured grr! Anywho I dont even feel like eating much today I think Im gonna go and get some carrot and corriander soup bc that is my favourite but its 90 cals per bowl so I dont no if I shud just go get little sachets of soup instead that are like 40 cals a coup but way less feeling and have alot more salt and stuff???
My mom hasnt mentioned my dads resteraunt being booked for sunday so I actually dont think its happening bc we have relatives that wkd too! I think Ill have a fruit day sunday. well wel c the thought is actually making me feel sick right now. Next week Im def gna do some kind of protein vegetarian diet thing. I dont know what the best approach is. Is it true you burn alot of calories when eating protein? Like that is what the atkins diet is isnt it? mmm gna do some research maybe watch another documentary :( sad today x

K I ended up getting a craving for grapes! demolished sum of my roomates then went to get sum food! tesco express had no packets of grapes out! I seriously tink its bc of da amount I have picked up this week if u get me! and no mango! so I got sum cherries and a few snack packs of grapes and soup! I still enjoy the grapes but Im over all the other food! so 2mro I dont tink I wna do fruit and veg! maybe 1 box of grapes and some sort of cereal bar! I used to eat these amazing chocolate orange gluten free bars that were 131 calories but I cant go all the way to sainsburys in my cripple state! ugh wat to do! u c wen I eat fruit and veg I feel Im depriving myself and then I eat in extreme amounts! whereas if I eat something nice I will just eat that and thats that! mmmm so so far for 2mro if tesco get there grapes in grapes and then the rest is to be decided! I no I shudnt rly have anything but I want something!!! mmmm.......
when u think about it there is so much u can have for under 200 calories! quorn nuggets, a bowl of cereal, beans, cereal bar, yoghurt! ahhh makes this so much harder! Ill just see what happens 2mro cz I never know how I feel untill the time.
Also my roomate whos lost a load of weight got called into the office today and they rang her mom bc their so worried about her! but Ive been with her all day and shes actually eating loads I seriously think its just stress burning up all her food! shes eaten loads of chocolate cereal muffins everything! so confusin eh?!

Dammit my mom rang and said she booked the resteraunt! guess wer eating out so! was gna fast 2mro but I just no thats not gna happen so fruit only no veg! screw the cereal bar Im gonna do my 7 days of fruit and veg first and then next wk is gna be protein wk! woop woop! I hate wen I go home bc my moms a teacher so she gets mid term too and will be at home too so she nos wen Im eating.
Im thinking protein smoothie in the morning, bar in the afternoon and some fruit! and then another bar in the evening or else 120 cal rice with sum veg!

Thursday, 21 May 2009


Ok so since Im bored and crippled in bed all day Im gonna watch loads of documenteries on eating disorders and size zero and review them with all you lovelies!

First up
Super Slim Me with Dawn Porter
Right so this girl is gonna go on an 8 week diet to become a size zero. She works out and experiment with the cabbage soup diet, laxative teas and then just a calorie restricted diet. She makes 500 calories seem like nothing when you can actually make it alot I think. Anyway it just annoys me how pesenters or watever get to go on these diets as part of their jobs bc they get well taken care of personal trainers the lot and then they bitch and moan about it?! In fairness she really did seem passionate about banning the size 0 thing and was just tryna show what it does to u but come on who doesnt wna be skinny! I was so glad when she talked to one of the presenters of the daily 10 bc they are all so skinny and beautiful and she said she never eats! like at least she was being on honest! Is it really possible to eat healthy and be thin? I really dont think so! xxx

Dying to Be Anorexic!
Most boring documentary ever! ugh Im sry but I couldnt watch the last 7 mins! I dont wna be mean but there was some retard 24 yr old lady on it who used to be anorexic and was deciding to be anorexic again! she actually did eat feck all but for some reason I just couldnt take her seriously and she just really annoyed me!! grrrr! also she tried to perform lipo suction on herself! seriosuly shes def not all there! It also covered the story of this other girl forget her name maybe its Kate. Well anyway she was quiete open in her family about her dieting and stuff and she was eating 200 calories a day! also she said that she read you can burn up to 400 calories in your sleep? is this true!? c u later zzzzZZZZZZZZZ haha but it was really sad she took an overdose and slit her wrists! pretty messed up. Dont watch it seriously it will send u to sleep! but hey mayeb thats a good thing! xxx

Eating Disorders
ok this was a brilliant documentary! so good! it was done really well! usually when I watch them I do it for tips and motivation which is good of course but this just showed me how bad it can be if I let it go too far! I dont want this to take over my life Im just using it right now I thinkn to cope with my injury even though I had it before my injury! I want to be thin and beautiful but I want to be happy most of all! you know a girl in college was told to lose weight and do you know what she said! no I dont want to lose weight Im happy as I am Im working out and eating what I like I dont wnt to be unhappy an on a diet! I was jealous of how sure of herself and happy with herself she was! fair play like! but I wna be thin thin thin. but I wnt let it destroy me xxx

Anorexia- Girl
Amazing and terribly terribly sad pls watch!

Anorexiz- Boy
this is good but a differnt kind of ed! the boy got this fear of eating after 5pm but it didnt matter what he ate! at first he had stopped eating tho but then it was just the fear so the dad used to bring him mcdonalds and junk food to fatten him up on his lunch breaks and stuff! his family were lovely he recovered well eating chinese take out and everything! ugh jealous!

Intervention Kim
Ok this poor poor girl majorly messed up! definetly had more going on then an eating disorder!

Day 5!

Ok Im eating too much fruit again dammit! ugh well Im not gonna beat myself up over it this week since Ive ditched the muller yoghurts for te past 2 days thank you very much! :) haha I managed to get in mushrooms today yeh! and some baby corn so I shall have a lovely stir fry for dinner. Had to get up early and go to one class in college at 9.30! Ive been getting up at like mid day everyday! so now Ive been up for hours whereas I would have only been awake for like 2 hours if I didnt have a lecture so therefore Ive eaten more then I would of........blah blah blah!
o well! next week Im thinking of trying a different approach bc Im not getting any protein and I really need it for my body to recover from surgery. So Im thinking of drinking soy protein in a smoothie in the morning or else with juice I dont no yet and then Im not sure maybe beans for dinner! i i i ne advice?
I read this book for my ibs about food combining and it says you should eat fruit in the morning then carbs at lunch with salad and then protein and veg in the evening! seriously in my college theres no way you could eat 3 meals a day and like that bc we dance all day and we would die haha!
newho I no Im not gonna brake the fruit veg thing but I just need to tone it down a bit haha maybe 2mro and saturday and sunday I will. Yes I will! Its my dads birthday on sunday and I always feel majorly bad bc I make my family feel so awkward about eating out together so we rarely do but now I live in a different country but Im going home on sunday so I said that I would eat in this lebanes resteraunt bc I actually do love falafels and veg mousakka and that and its not major bad for you! In fact Im going to email the resteraunt now and say Im on a calorie controlled diet what is the least fattening calorie full meal u have! ooo exciting! I shall fill you in! xx
any dining out tips? xx

Wednesday, 20 May 2009


Ok I just converted my weight to lbs! I never weigh myself bc I become quiete obsessive so prefer to go on how I look in clothes and naked actually more just naked but ok last week I was weighed at the hospital and stupid bitch told me my weight!
7 stone 11 lbs! so I reluctantly just converted it there so thats 109 lbs??! what the fuck is that good is it bad! its not good enough! Im looking to be 100 in the very near future and then maintain that! but I really just want a flatter stomach and skinnier thighs and arms! then Il be happy happy! xx

Day 4!

Woop Day 4! today is just pure fruit and veg seen as Ive run out of my muller yoghurts! and do you know what I dont think I plan on buying any in the near future bc Im flying home this weeked! and Im not handing out money for anyone to buy me any! Ok so last nite couldnt sleep again for ages my stomach was soooooooo hungry and if it didnt take me half an hour to walk down the stairs to the kitcen I actually would of eatin something! Maybe this surgery was a pretty good diet! haha
But I am debating wheter or not to make a wee trip to tesco! I dont think I want to but all I have in is half a cucumber, some sweetcorn and mushrooms! I love mushrooms mmmmmmmmm! so do I need to go to tesco!? I dont no why but Im not even craving or hungry for grapes I just want them in my kitchen! mmm....Im a weird one alright!
Anywho gna go watch the first episode of the wire! My brother has been telling me to watch it forever! any gud??

Ok the wire was crap. Im going to tesco! Im getting a bit paranoid tho bc theyve changed the layout of the store?! are they getting suspicious haha! well Ive started to buy one or two things so its not like Im always walking in and then out without buying anythink! woop grapes! xx

Ok got my things woop woop! mmm saw a man in the back looking at cttv cameras so had to be more careful! downer! so didnt go overboard. gave my room mate money to buy me mushrooms but the store didnt have any! devastating! Im gonna go to the doctors 2mro bout my surgery so think I might make another tesco stop! I want mushrooms! going to the cinema now to see Coraline 3D I shall do a review later. My room mate just asked me to mind half a galaxy bar so she wont demolish it before the movie. Im smelling it right now! mmmm........Im a fan of smelling foods! ok just checked out the back! over 700 hundred calories in that bar alone! Id say I eat 700 calories a day from fruit! hopefully less! but its better to eat that amount in fruit and not chocolate right bc theres no fat?

Tuesday, 19 May 2009


ok I dont no if this is relevent! but I have a desire to be majorly fat when Im way old! you know so old when your clearly not gonna have sex anymore and no matter what you do your just not gonna luk attractive! thats when bam! Im gonna let my body eat! everything its ever craved!
Pizze Pizza Pizza! lots of cheese! Burgers! Chinese! Fries from every single take out ever! chow mein/ spring rolls/ prawn crackers! Indian curries! and chocolate lots of chocolate! caramel! toffee! carrot cake! mmmmmmmmmm......................
so my question is do you all plan on being fat grannies but skinny sexy ladies?
p.s I havent eaten chocolate or any take away in 2 years :)

Shoplifting + Book reviews

Ok so just a quick note!
When I was studying to become a fitness instructor we had to learn a bit on eating disorders! seriously the more I read about them the more you want to have one right? I love the way people think that buy showing documenteris or articles on the lives of those with ED that it will put ppl off, well it doesnt haha! newho so in this book it had this section on how people with eating disorders are prone to shoplift aswell! and abusse alcohol! vodka abuser right here! haha me and my best friend (duno if shes still my best friend) laughed so hard! the book was seriously describing the two of us! Do any of you guys with ED shoplift too? seriously I get all my food that way!

Also has anyone seen that tv documentary about kids having ED's? seriosuly bc that was actually really sad! Im kind of glad I had my little plumpy chilhood I have the memories of eating things and not caring and trying different foods and being normal and not feeling uncomfortable and constantly wondering how to get out of eating in certain situations! but these kids think the youngest was like 4 getting up and doing sit ups every morning and running on the cross trainer did make me feel kind of sad.
Also Louise Rednap size 0? what did people think about that? she defo did make the journey look unappealing! I couldnt bliv that she was only allowed eat green veg and her fruit was so limited! bc guys when I diet I live on fruit I just love it so much I could eat it all day! and I tell myself its ok bc its fruit! but I guess its not!
Anyone read Skinny Bitch? dey say its ok to eat as much fruit and veg as you want and so does Gillian McKeith! well guys its not ok!
But Im still gonna do it!
Also gonna do a 30 day brikram yoga course this summer with only fruit and veg in my tum tum! you do yoga in a freak hot room for an hour and a half each day and just sweat away all your calories fat and toxins! makes you major dizzy though and the room is really small and I get claustraphobic! but hey thin is thin :) then Ill just lie around in the sun all day admiring my amazingly thin body. wear cute shorts that will hang off my beautifully protruding hip bones! woop woop fun times ahead!
also major pissed off one of my housemates has lost a shit loads of weight! and shes not even doing anything! Ok she is quiete a healthy person anyway but she eats bread and protein and yoghurts! how did she do it! I might ask her 2mro! a teacher even talked to her about it today at dance school! when will I ever get that sort of attention! well I actually did at my old one but would be nice here! Ill know how Im doing when I c my mom next week cos she always says right away! ur looking a bit gaunt! haha love it! when she told me I looked well I cried for hours!
ok sorry this wasnt actually meant to turn into a post but I think Ive covered more then my addiction to shoplifting! got a whole little book review session going on aswell! haha
pls comment xx


Ok so what is the deal with these periods! I was reading on another girls blog today that she still gets hers and she was definetly thinner then me! why dont I get mine! I know I shouldnt want them and stuff but its just that Im training to be a dancer and I dont want osteoporosis! Id say Ive had my period like 6 times in the last 2 years! maybe even less! I weigh like almost cinge 8 stone ewwwwwwww 7 stone 11 lbs to be exact! hopefully maybe 2 lbs less after this week! defo just sticking to the fruit and veggies for a while! I really dont mind doing that and its easy when you live away from home and are in charge of your own food and when your recovering from surgery in your room all day!
But back to the period malark! How do the likes of Victoria Beckham and Nicole Ritchie have children I just dont get it! How do they even get periods! Im very confused thats all! Anyone want to shed some light? Do they have a really minimal balanced diet?

Day 3!

woop woop! day 3 is here! do u no wat! I ate 2 muller light yoghurts yday! but I let myself away with it bc I was actually so hungry I could not sleep for ages plus I spent like 3 hours rearranging my room and also my body is in recovery from surgery so it uses up lots of cals on that!
its only mid day here I had a toffee muller light my last one in stock so Im just not gonna get anymore so I wont be able to have them for the next few days! Im gna brave another walk to tesco today but Ill bring my crutches this time. I actually dreamt about all the fruit Im gonna pick up! grapes mangos cherries melon pineapple! but actually all Im gonna get is grapes and mango :). Seriously I would happily live on an unlimited supply of them.
I looked at my stomach in the mirror today and not happy it lux bloated and I used to have a gap between my pants and my hip bones bc my tummy was hollow b4 but I dont anymore! I want it back! I need it back! dat hollow is the root to confidence!
anywho was on da fon to my mom the other night! she said are you eating all right I dont want you coming home like an insect! and do you know what I loved it! I was like I qualify for some level of concern this is brilliant! I must be thinnish enough to do that! but I know it gets annoying she did almost cry before and say looking at me was like looking at an anorexic! that was last summer but that was when I felt at my most fat which was weird! mmm I got ibs and I ended up quitin my job as a gym instructor bc I lukd pregnant! plus the man I loved got engaged haha! I dont take rejection well!

p.s Im really enjoying reading every1s blogs! It defo makes me stay focused on my diet plus some of you guys are extra amazing. your will power is incredible! can you imagine what man kind could do with the sort of will power we have! xxx

k I cant figure out how to edit my post so Im back again! went to pick up food! ate too many grapes dammit! but its ok I have no yoghurts in da house for 2mro so that saves me 100 wonderful fat free calories! so 2mro wont be too bad hopefully! seriously anyone know how many calories your body burns while recovering from surgery? mmm I think I need to do some googling! and is it true that your brain alone needs 800 calories a day just to function correctly?! 2000 calories a day!! ridick no wonder the whole world is obese!

Monday, 18 May 2009

Day 2!

So day 2 is here! Was reading crazily late last night. The amazing Adventures of Diet Girl! Ok rigt good book liked the girl and all but come one! Everytime she said stuff like she felt paranoid when buying shoes or clothes bc she thought people would be thinking her arms were too big or she was too fat to buy running shoes but thn she realized people didnt give a crap about those things. But the thing is I do! Im probably one of those people thinking those things. Im so judegemental and critical. Like ok so Im a size 6 but I have fat arms. Like I wonder how I can eat so healthily and do loads of exercise and still have fat arms! Like I just dont get it! but I do agree that the best way would be to be healthy and happy but hey thats not always an option or as easy as it seems. So I dont forsee myself having some massive epiphony one day and being like ok Ill be happy with myself! Isnt that just like giving up on perfection! haha I just want to be sooooo perfect! Then Il be confident. nd I dont care what people say you have to be happy with yourself first! Total BS! bc 2 summers ago I got soooo skinny maybe even dangerously skinny but I was sooooo confident on holidays, wearing my bikini showing off my hollow tummy getting all the boys attention. You see and I was happy then. Now I would not be willing to wear a bikini or get naked infront of anyone untill I am lovely and skeletal. Theres just something about feeling your hip bones that is soooooooo sexy! I dont know what it is! But abs for me are the main thing! mmmm
Anywho todays deal is I could not sleep bc I was so hungry. I have this fear about feeling hungry so was stuffing myself with lots of fruit but I guess thats in limited supply at present! I managed to fall asleep woke up an hour early then I was planning to which has messed up todays whole plan. Bc yday I didnt eat a yoghurt till 3.30, today I had it at 11-ish! so now all 2mros fruit is gone but hey I dont usually beat myself up over fruit! and its totally not like Im binging on it. Its now 5.30 so hungry but people are in the kitchen and I dont wanna prepare stuff and walk through the lounge. mmmm what to do!
Btw havent felt better it days tho! Usually I have trouble going to the toilet but not since Ive kicked the carbs :) that was soooo da problem! haha
Anywho passed sooooo much time. gave my room a total make over! practiced stuff for college. organized my life! checked in online for my flight on sunday! rang the doctors. sorted for now!
anywho my life is usually more exciting! seriously it actually is quiete eventful but since Ive been confined to my house after surgery it will be like this till at least friday! But its ok that means nothing should mess up my little detox Ive got going on! If only I had weighed myself I could see the benefit of it! but hey I hate numbers!
Diet Lexy xx

Sunday, 17 May 2009

Day 1!

So today is my first day as an internet blogger and thank god for that! because everything Im going to write here is what goes on in my head on a daily basis and it just cannot be contained anymore! Its like the desire people have to always write lists. Shopping lists, To-Do lists....we just feel the urge to get them out of our head and onto some paper so that their there infront of us. real I guess.
So the deal with me is I usually write to my best friend because she understands the craziness of my ways and we laugh about it. A few years ago we embarked on some crazy internet diets together. Eating carrots only for days then just drinking milk. Crazy but effective! We watched as our bodies disappeared and my ribs and spine became prominent! I loved it! I kept up with the diet which was only meant to be for a week for almost a year! Marie dropped the diet! She loved her food way too much plus she could practically eat whatever she wanted anyway! Her body was amazing! So then I started getting comments from teachers and I loved it all! I felt amazing for having the will power to give up food! something that in my opinion people make way to big a deal over! and as for 2000 calories a day! dont get me started haha! So its safe to say I took the dieting too far which resulted in me getting IBS! ugh! and also a pretty messed up mind! and now Ive moved out of home and am living in a house with 5 other girls who constantly want to order take aways and indulge in Ben and Jerrys!
So this is gonna be my escape! My place to tell the truth and not make up ridiculous lies! Why is it so hard to be honest! and just say ok like I dont have an eating disorder because I do eat! Just a very limited, healthy diet! Why cant I just say this is my diet dont question it! It doesnt effect you! Am I making you stop eating! No! So why should it be a problem!
Anywho I dont want my first post to be too negative! haha but Ive just had surgery so I got in some weight watchers ready meals that wont be too much hassle to prepare hence the name! but still 300 calories for some vegetables and rice! I could prepare something way better and with half the fat content! So Ive decided to bin the ready meals and from today on I will be eating one muller light yoghurt a day! mmm....I tried to be a vegan but I could not give up these babies! plus I stopped getting my period and I kind wanted that back! well at least once in a while so I dont get osteoporosis! and maybe Im hoping it wont come to this but I have a safety packet of crackers which add up to 72 calories which I am considoring eating if I feel faint! usually I allow myself the luxury of indulging in unlimited amounts of fruit but I tend to go overboard on that and since I cant leave my house and I dont like anyone else buying my food I have to take the cracker route! and detox tea! So there we go! Thats the plan! I know it would be ideal for me to hop on a scales and take measurements to monitor this! but I never weight myself and digits freak me out! Although from being weighed for my pre-op I know that I am 7 stone 11 pounds! Almost 8 stone! ugh! so I think up to 11 pounds loss will be ideal! No more carbs! back on fresh fruit and veg! after my 3 day fast of course!
Ok Im gonna go and indulge in my blackcurrant fat free yoghurt! Already the binger in me was back! As soon as I stepped in the kitchen I was trying to work out a way to eat another yoghurt today and curious to see what other food was in my cuboard! O well Im safely locked in my room now and will not be in the kitchen again today!
well unless I feel the need for some crackers!

Ok Im already back! and have changed todays diet plan! So despite the surgery I did not wna eat a pack of crackers for the rest of the day and my knee was feelin ok so I braved a walk to tesco express so pick up some fruit! 3 boxes of grapes and 3 boxes of mango! So one of each each day for the next 3 days! there! I think thats better than having any carbs! woop woop! and Im gonna eat it all before 6 o clock! so Im on the water and green tea as of now!

xoxo Diet Lexy