Sunday, 31 May 2009

Day 6+7

Ok so this should have been yesterdays post! Well I ate fruit haha! only watermelon though I just could not and did not want to resist it!! It was absolutly amazing thought and sure its just water right? haha. I ate the same then as I have been eating all week apart from the fruit but I was proud of myself bc my mom bought strwberries too and I was very tempted to eat a 2nd yoghurt which I didnt! I still look awful tho. Bc I have IBS I get soooo bloated even when I eat the smallest thing and my ribs pop out and go out further then my boobs so I just look and feel ridiculous. Im injured now but when I was dancing and it happened I would be holding back tears. To make things worse I have a cousin who is anorexic and like everyone knows and her weight fluctuates like crazy. She goes from being what people would considor a normal weight to really really thin. She was here last night munching on crisps and peanuts while I was eating water melon!? I just dont get it! its not fair! and her mom kept looking at me and saying how I looked so healthy?! ewww what the fuck! I dont wna look healthy I wanna look weak and fragile but b e full of energy at the same time. I dont really know where to go from here to be hones. I feel trapped in this body. Despite giving up fruit for 5 days the bloating didnt go away but I guess I could be getting bloated form the kidney beans! I feel like if I was a celebrity some one would sort me out in a second! they nearly always look sooo perfect. flat tummy thin arms and it really pissees me off when they give interviews and say things like ooo mexican is my favourite food I cook it everyday! I watched an add for Tori Spellings reality tv show and she was like family dinner is so important but she just sat downa and fed her kids and didnt eat?! so is that what my dinner should be?! mmm so 2day is day 7 and I know when I arrive at the train station where I live I will hit tesco express and get loads of fruit! but the thing is right now this second I dont know if I even want it! Grapes and strawberries just seem too sweet right now. Id happily just have water melon. What to do.....its just so good to have them to snack on throughout the day. I nlove being the one in charge of my food but bc I lift nearly all of it I have to be selective. maybe Ill pick up a bag of carrots and if I do get hungry after 8 I can have a carrot. and herbal tea. where are u guys all getting this laxative tea btw? Ive never seen or heard of it before I came on here! I want a hot body now and a boy for summer. I was with one on friday but then he went ff got stoned and passed out and didnt even get my number! and wev been together b4 and I know we kind of like click like but I guess I live in a different country so he doesnt take it seriously. I just wanna have sex with some one and I want them to think my body is amazing. So delicate and tiny with cute rib bones and protruding ribs! This is what I want. I havent had a carb all week ugh wtf! k pls give me some advice for what diet I should do next week I might possibly be able to start dancing again after wednesday so I will need some energy! xx
and I will be back full on commited to doing my abs, ass and arms every night x