oh god Im back!
ok da trip was brutal the weather was awful so there was no big long moutain walks! I did a gud bit of conditoning but there was no privacy and my mom was keeping a close eye on me! also we had to eat 2gther which made it worse cz at home I just do my own thing like. so we got veggie stir fries which was fine but Im so over them and Im very upset to discover that I have been eating kidney beans with hidden salt! anyway I havent had kidney beans in 3 days I think. I have been having da soya yoghurts but with no added protein or seeds. anyway I need to cop on and start getting carbs back into the diet. To make things worse my mom and I watched this programme about this place in ireland where ppl go for eds alcoholism and drug abuse and this girl had ed and she feckin died 5 weeks after she left. she was so messed up and had no life or desire to live. obviously I dont wnt to end up like that! I just wna luk hot end of! and Im gonna ave fun partying and getting with guys and feeling confident! Im not gna become a recleuese like! anyway my mom said she wasnt driving me home untill I ate carbs so she bought bran flakes! hello da brand she bought was full of salt and then I was like did u get soya milk bc I new she didnt and she flipped! didnt eat them anyway haha anyway wer home now! tnx to flushed comment I am gna eat sum oats bc I actually do luv them! and brown rice which I read is really gud for ur digestion and ibs! also lots of peppermint and fennel!
my mom is going away today for 2 days so gna detox fruit yoghurt nuts and seeds. the only fruit Im eating is melon and watermelon for the next 2 days! Im having a massive party next wkd and I need to luk super hot! last yr at my summer party I was so constipated I luked pregnant but my dress covered it well and I managed to get with the hottest guy ever! haha!
Im still tryna huk up with this guy james but hes so unreliable and never feckin out when I am!
neway I have physio now! Ive done an hour of body conditioning duno if Im gna walk today! I have a busy day but I will try do my best I promise! I have alot of party preparations ahead but Ill doo what I can I promise!
gna catch up on ur posts laters x
update just went to the toilet!
Il post the whole ting I read about digestion and foods dat aid it! is neone else getting majorly bunged up dieting or is it just me? x
y the fuck do my moods fluctuate so much! Ive been crying non stop for 2 hrs now. great. the only way I dont cry is by acting like a complete bitch that doesnt open her mouth and just gives ppl lux saying dnt tlk to me!
y do I feel like this
neway I discovered we were actually buying the kidney beans in water so I had half a tin with salad. Im not mad bc I need the protein and I wont eat as much watermelon as I planned now.
da physio cracjed ny neck and spine. it hurt not majorly but I hhate cracking bones and it just freaked me out and I didnt no it was cumin and now Im just all upset. plus the physio said he didnt bliv I was doing my best with my exercises! hello Im dedicating my life to getting fixed here. he said he tinks my life is easy bc u c I got this t-shirt that says survival of the fittest and he said u just smile and get everything handed to u on a plate! ok Im not gna lie compared to orthers I do have a failry easy life. my parents are supportive. I drive a car I didnt have to pay anything towards and if I want sumtinIll get it! I no that sounds spoilt but all Ive asked for ever is my dance lessons and dance gear. I dont want anything else. Ive only started having a social lilfe since my injury. and my life is not easy. I have sum sort of disordered eating. I am uncomfortable with my body 24/7. Im a virgin. I have 2 very painful injuries that have ruined my first yr of dance college. and I am doubting wheter or not Im strong enough to puruse this career. plus I have no direction in my life right now. I am depressed. I wanna die. I wanna go asleep and wake up and everyhitng to be ok again bc I cant deal with this anymore!