Thursday, 30 July 2009

Im back!

oh god Im back!
ok da trip was brutal the weather was awful so there was no big long moutain walks! I did a gud bit of conditoning but there was no privacy and my mom was keeping a close eye on me! also we had to eat 2gther which made it worse cz at home I just do my own thing like. so we got veggie stir fries which was fine but Im so over them and Im very upset to discover that I have been eating kidney beans with hidden salt! anyway I havent had kidney beans in 3 days I think. I have been having da soya yoghurts but with no added protein or seeds. anyway I need to cop on and start getting carbs back into the diet. To make things worse my mom and I watched this programme about this place in ireland where ppl go for eds alcoholism and drug abuse and this girl had ed and she feckin died 5 weeks after she left. she was so messed up and had no life or desire to live. obviously I dont wnt to end up like that! I just wna luk hot end of! and Im gonna ave fun partying and getting with guys and feeling confident! Im not gna become a recleuese like! anyway my mom said she wasnt driving me home untill I ate carbs so she bought bran flakes! hello da brand she bought was full of salt and then I was like did u get soya milk bc I new she didnt and she flipped! didnt eat them anyway haha anyway wer home now! tnx to flushed comment I am gna eat sum oats bc I actually do luv them! and brown rice which I read is really gud for ur digestion and ibs! also lots of peppermint and fennel!
my mom is going away today for 2 days so gna detox fruit yoghurt nuts and seeds. the only fruit Im eating is melon and watermelon for the next 2 days! Im having a massive party next wkd and I need to luk super hot! last yr at my summer party I was so constipated I luked pregnant but my dress covered it well and I managed to get with the hottest guy ever! haha!
Im still tryna huk up with this guy james but hes so unreliable and never feckin out when I am!
neway I have physio now! Ive done an hour of body conditioning duno if Im gna walk today! I have a busy day but I will try do my best I promise! I have alot of party preparations ahead but Ill doo what I can I promise!
gna catch up on ur posts laters x
update just went to the toilet!
Il post the whole ting I read about digestion and foods dat aid it! is neone else getting majorly bunged up dieting or is it just me? x

back again
y the fuck do my moods fluctuate so much! Ive been crying non stop for 2 hrs now. great. the only way I dont cry is by acting like a complete bitch that doesnt open her mouth and just gives ppl lux saying dnt tlk to me!
y do I feel like this
neway I discovered we were actually buying the kidney beans in water so I had half a tin with salad. Im not mad bc I need the protein and I wont eat as much watermelon as I planned now.
da physio cracjed ny neck and spine. it hurt not majorly but I hhate cracking bones and it just freaked me out and I didnt no it was cumin and now Im just all upset. plus the physio said he didnt bliv I was doing my best with my exercises! hello Im dedicating my life to getting fixed here. he said he tinks my life is easy bc u c I got this t-shirt that says survival of the fittest and he said u just smile and get everything handed to u on a plate! ok Im not gna lie compared to orthers I do have a failry easy life. my parents are supportive. I drive a car I didnt have to pay anything towards and if I want sumtinIll get it! I no that sounds spoilt but all Ive asked for ever is my dance lessons and dance gear. I dont want anything else. Ive only started having a social lilfe since my injury. and my life is not easy. I have sum sort of disordered eating. I am uncomfortable with my body 24/7. Im a virgin. I have 2 very painful injuries that have ruined my first yr of dance college. and I am doubting wheter or not Im strong enough to puruse this career. plus I have no direction in my life right now. I am depressed. I wanna die. I wanna go asleep and wake up and everyhitng to be ok again bc I cant deal with this anymore!

1 comment:

  1. Holy Guacamole Batman! That man cracked the positive out of you!

    You ARE doing great! Hello! Doesn't he read your blog!? (I know, I know-joke) Really though, it's hard not to let comments like that get to you but try to remember that he doesn't know you and is probably just jealous because he walked to school barefoot uphill both ways and was a waiter working double shifts since he was 12 living on top raman and raising his 11 younger siblings and is now married to a thankless bitchy wife who never puts out.

    um. I may or may not have gotten carried away but I DEFINATELY went off track!

    Whatever-You work hard! I know because you tell us in your blog and there's just no reason to lie here. If anything take that frustration and let it out all constructive-like. Turn up your iPod and Dance! Exercise! Walk! Do some Tae-Bo! Drop it like it's Hot! Run back to the Physio and punch him in his left ear! Walk like an Egyptian!

    Meanwhile, I'm gonna go make ANOTHER pot of joe!

    Feel better Lex, don't let anybody get you down. You're a great person.


    P.S. sorry, I'm ridiculous. I blame coffee.