Tuesday, 15 September 2009


why is no one leaving me comments? I need them. Im so sad! I hated myself after yday so I got myself up and about today. Didnt hand out cvs bc I felt too fugly altho I no myself I am looking very thin. I had a yoghurt 3 and a half table spoons of oats flaxseed, 2 mangos, and half a glass of soya milk. My mom is gonna be pushing me to eat more this week I know it but Ill c what I can do. My stomach is majorly messed up right now. Going for a walk now in a bit then got yoga this evening which is 90 mins!!! andn Im still gonna try do my tricep dips everyday as well as my abs and ass but that is a gud bit. excited bout starting 2nite tho! went shoplifting today. got me 2 new skirts a shirt and shorts for yoga, also loads of confetti and stickers for my scrap book and mangos haha! I could do with some comments to keep me motivated. Everyones saying I need to put on some weight right now but I know thats not the truth so I need you reminding me! xx

ok went to yoga and did the walk! I said I wouldnt eat after 8 but u have to eat two hours b4 da yoga class so I ate at 6 and then afterwards was starving so had a bowl of mango and another half a glass of soya milk! man did I feel like demolishing more food but I did not. I am getting very bad cramps and I told my mom I wnt to go back to the specialist but we both know there is no point. I just started crying and she said its bc Im not eating properly. She said its hard for her to watch me with my friends when they stay over and how they eat toasted ham and cheese sandwhiches or frozen pizzas and I always have sumting different or nutin at all!
I just left the room and said I do eat properly haha what a lie. I want help I think this has gone to far now. I think this is as thin as I can get right now even tho I still think my triceps thighs and ass are too big it just seems like my upper body has disappeard! I know now that being thin isnt making me happier or more confident and I know me saying this wont make you guys realise it bc I listened to ppl say that and was like yeh right how can you not be happy when u luk like dat!
I dnt no what to do anyway! I made my mom and I aa kidney bean stir fry! I used to have 1-2 tins a day today I had bout a 1/4 of a tin. I mite get some tofu 2mro or make a chick pea curry! I think I need to vary it up bc my body is feeling like shit! I actually think my stomach is cringing when it spasms at the thought of eating just more veg! I told my mom Id eat some brown rice 2mro! guess itsnot the end of the world when Im working out for over 2 hrs a day now! I loved seeing my ribs in the mirrors today tho! I wish I could maintain this weight and eat just healthily but I know that wont happen bc this proberly isnt a healthy weight.....
I wish it was just like skinny bitch said. be a vegan. eat what you want vegan style ul be thin. its not. anyway Im gonna not be a vegan soon and get back onto a bit of quorn maybe. I dont no. I say this now haha but wel c....
I think more shoplifting 2mro. its da only thing that made my day interesting! I want to get the top to match this mazin skirt I bought 2day! altho of course it was hanging of me! everything has to be safety pinned to me now. haha
I wonder what I weigh....
I nearly told my friend today that I had an eating disorder bc I tink Im willing to acknowledge the fact that I do. I wont eat out. I wont eat anything I dont prepare. I am strictly vegan but wont have netin processed. I use IBS as an excuse not to eat. I work out excessively even tho Im injured. I lie about eating and what I eat. I think about food constantly....what should I do? pls help x

1 comment:

  1. you can do it, dietlexy! stay motivated and keep focused!