Thursday, 17 September 2009

worst pain ever!

Last nite was possibly one of the worst of mi life! I went to bed at 1 am in agony well not agony but alot of discomfort! I just could not get comfortable in bed at all! I was just lying there waiting for sleep to happen but Ive had attacks before and I knew what was coming! eventually at 5 am I gave into the attack and started screaming crying. I had to wake up my mom and dad! I am so constipated! I had 2 take soposatrys which I despise! despise! seriously Im so uptight that there so painful! I took a bucket load of pills and at 10 o clock this morning I had to wake my little brother up and get him to go to the chemist and get me pain killers and duphalac! ugh stress of mi life! I know its a combination of stress and my diet. Anyway I promised myself last night Id change my diet! When your in so much pain ul promise anything! but I actually want to change my diet up a bit! Right now I dont no how thats gonna happen bc the thought of puttin on weight makes me feel so sick! but not as sick as I did last nite and kinda still feel. I still havent gone to the toilet! so no yoga for me 2nite! Im not happy bout that but Im gna chill today and def try go 2mro! I dont think Im gonna go out 2mro nite so that means Ill be able to go saturday and sunday aswell and my weekend wnt be disrupted by drinking which I cant imagine doing right now!!! thats a first I no!!
anyway no fruit or veg today!!! first in Id say 2 yrs!! no joke! Ive had 2 bowls of cornflakes a bit of meusili flaxseed and a soya yoghurt! all before 6 o clock but in fairness Ive been up since 1 am! anyway Im sticking to skinny bitches rules bc I ate when I was hungry and everything was vegan and organic! no more eating today just herbal tea! no working out! maybe an evening walk! but tbh I dont c that happening! I feel like crap! I promised myself last nite if I felt pain free Id let my body relax! its needs a fokin break! Its my body! why am I doing this to it!?
I think Im gonna stop writing this blog. I dont think its healthy for me but Im not sure yet! I wanna change my diet without putting on weight and I think it might be possible! bc right I eat ricickulous amounts of fruit and veg and that does add up! now I think Im gonna have 3 meals a day with a yoghurt as a snack. stop eating after 7. morning yoghurt and oats, lunch rice/ noodles? dunno about that yet actually. and dinner beans/tofu? Im not sure! Id appreciate advice? Im gonna try to stay vegan but I think my mom will be pushing the quorn products and if I eat them it means I can eat with my family again which means I wont over eat! this gud be gud. I havent been happy and yet Im at my thinnest. It doesnt make sense! x

k Im disgusting! ate too much! Im such a compulsive eater! Im gna try muster the strenght to go to yoga in the morning then its a diet of herbal tea for the rest of the day! I am disgusting! Lets just say carbs wont be eaten for the forseen future! they are too nice and therefore evil!
not going out 2mro nite even if I feel able so hopoefully Il be up for yoga fri sat and sunday! xx

1 comment:

  1. Oh man Lex, I hope you feel better! It does kinda sound like your not feeding your body right but, unfortunately, I have no suggestions as I am calorie obsessed. :(

    I just hope you figure out what's best for you my dear! You're too wonderful a person to be so unhappy. It's just not you.

    If you so choose to keep writing I will keep reading :)