Thursday, 20 August 2009


rite the last 2 days were amazin! didnt eat alot or watever! but today I ate alot of soup and nealry 2 melons! I cnt read ur guys blogs right nw bc even tho Im eating my diet and safe foods u guys are doin so well! and its makin me feel like shit. My life is being torn apart! Im so not gna be able to go back to dance college nad that was the only thing I had going for me and that was gna maybe force me to eat sesnibly again which at this point I cant even imagine! I spend the last 2 days with my friend she nos Im a health nut so its kul wen she stays with me bc I just make her a pizza and I eat my own thing but its differnt in her gaf bc her family sit down to eat dinner together and I cant make a seperate meal in her house yah no! Im going to her gaf saturday and sunday! Im tryfna figure out how I can avoid eating dinner both days! when Im with ppl and busy its gud bc I eat feck all but today as soon as she left which was at 5 I ate a massive bowl of 0 points ww soup and den I had lik almost 2 melons! wtf am I like! I hate myself. I did da fotoshoot yday and da pics luk gud! I honestly no myselfl dat I am not fat but I feel dat! I feel my inner thights touching and food in my stomach and it makes me feel sick! I dont look how I feel yah no!! what should I do?! Im only eating fruit and veg and my alpro soya yoghurt and protein mix! yet to the rest of u that seems way too much! Im a failure!
failure at dancing! failure at life! failure at trying to have an eating disorder! idiot for messin up my mind! and idiot for thinking that being thin would make me a better dancer! an idiot for thinkin that if I was think Id be confident and guys would be fallin all over me! I h8 where I have ended up! alone in a room craving fruit and eating it as if its a guilty thing! Im an idiot!
blah blah blah
fat fat fat!
I need to workout!
hate myself

1 comment:

  1. You are so NOT a failure! Be nice to yourself Lexy!!!

    Maybe not dance college this fall but it can still happen! Right now just isn't the time. Don't get down on yourself Lexy, you are just too great a person to let that happen.

    Turn that frown upside down!!!