Tuesday, 25 August 2009

fuck my life

today 30 mins body conditioning
50 min walk
1 hour power walk/jog
I had to ring my old ballet teacher and tell her what was happening with me. I told my mom she wanted to talk to me and my mom said is it bc ur so skinny?!
haha I wish no mom its bc Im fuckin crippled and cant go back to dance college and she wants to c if Im ok!
had veggie soup and fruit today plus my ususal cereal.
I am sad.
y do I have to tlk about wats happenin it makes everything harder.
I wanna live in denial.
I wanted to beliv if I could control my weight I could control everything but I cant.
I am weak. I am a failure.
Bc of the recession der was a ting in the newspaper about accpeting late applicants into colleges so I looked up courses but all dat is available is all maths geek courses and crazy random shit!
there is a music course which is good I could get into bc I play da flute but where would my future be going?
I am signing up for a personal training course and Im bout to look up some pilates courses bc it will help my body recover I guess.
where am I going.
I wna be thin.
I wna a bf to worship me.
I wnt life not to revolve around food.
maybe not a great ting my mom is now vegetarian she wanted to cook veggie burgers!
grr I just wnt fruit and veg!
I keep tryna tink wen I re introduce carbs into the diet but screw dat! g2 be hot for interailing!

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