Tuesday, 11 August 2009

hey hey!

Hey guys!
Im back! my friend was over for 4 days! In which I thought I would end up having to eat more but I ate less! I didnt snack n fruit as much so I pretty much had 3 meals a day! breakfast I obv stuck to my totally amazing soya yoghurt and protein and flaxseed mix! mm delicious! den Id have fruit and my veggie stir fry or da weight watchers soup! I didnt get to work out but we were honestly so busy we were on da go 24/7! on saturday we act went for a walk in da park wasnt a total power walk but still then we had my totally amazing party on sat nite! slept for 2 hrs then got up and went to dublin zoo for the day! drove home had some ww soup and then we went out again dat nite! alot of vodka was drank haha act not that much! bc I didnt eat as much got drunk so quick like! den on monday we got up and did major sight seeing so walked all over dublin! last nite we had 2 hours sleep den had to get up and go to the aiport! today I did a power walk with my mom but that was all I could manage I cant describe how tired I am! today I ate my breakfast apple nectorine a melon and a half! and 2 bowls of ww soup! dats not bad for me! I need to work out more! I didnt do my physio and Im so pissed off bc my body is in so much pain now and my physio is gn abe a total dick to me now and be like well its ur fault ur in pain now! ugh h8 him! just realised dnt tink Ive got my period in 2 months now! o well! I decided last nite if I do and fingers crossed I do get to go back to dance college I am full on eating properly! rice potatoes whatever Ill do it! Im luvin feelin thin and empty! I luv ppl tinkin dat Im pretty! I luv even tho Im not where I wna be that if I wear shorts I get stares! being thin is so powerful! omg today my mom told me shes gna be a vegetarian! a pesco vegetarian but still yeh! cept now she wants to research and then shel totally cop how defiecient my diet is haha! o fuck what ave I done to myself! I luvd being round ppl I found I ate less! when Im at home by myself I let the food take over! but when Im busy and totally on the go I dont feel the need for that much food! altho Im absolutly dying after the wkd! my bodys havin a hard time now! Im sorry body! y! Im so worried about college! I cant say this to ne1 else but my head is full of doubts! my body is not able to go back! and not cz of the eating thing bc of my injuries! my foot hasnt made much progress nad it seems like my neck is getting worse and worse each day! y! y! y! I was so happy at the wkd my mind was kept occupied by activities friends and alcohol and now its back to just me my mind and my crazy emotional mood swings!
wat do I achieve if I wake up and eatt 3 low fat meals a day?!
I want to dance! Id be fat if I could! Id do netin!
plus my mom makes comments all da time dat really piss me off! even tho I tink this stuff she says it allowed and infront of me when she nos Im so weight concious! stuff like o god did u see da size of her. and is she da chubby girl. what happened to her she used to have a lovely figure. did so and so lose any of da weight? lik wtf shut up! o well! thin is powerful! pretty ppl get ahead its just da way! Im not fugly but I wna feel it! not fugly pretty I mean haha!
rite gna go to bed so tired u cant even imagine! ps my mom is like u cant survive on just fruit and vegetables! and do u not eat that nemore? have u tried this? will I make u sum this?! grrr
she was meant to be goin away fr 3 days but now shes not! great but Im goin to my friends all day sat and sunday! no eating woop woop! thin flat stomach central! x

1 comment:

  1. Maybe September isn't looking likely but you'll get better and persist and be back and Fantastic!

    I totally know what you mean about not wanting to hear the comments about bodies, you start to realize these are the comments that distorted your body perception in the first place (some moreso than others obvey, but still).