The fear!

Oh fuck! so Ive talked about the fear before! so today was going to the airport and was tempted to get food again but the store where dey were onto me yesterday is da closest to me and I debated going in but then I was like no way! I wasnt even hungry! sumtimes I just want stuff for the sake of it! I think I have two disorders going on now! neway I was gna start da 2 4 6 8 diet but didnt. I ate a fruit cup (80 cals) den I didnt eat again for ages! got a headache felt so shit ended up going asleep as soon as I arrived home! ate some pineapple 3 rings to be exact. den I ate 2 mini salads with kidney beans! so 4 little meals. none left me full so I just eased my hunger pains which is gud for me! also drank a glass of hot water with lemon and pureh tea!
My friend text me der saying we shud start da 2 4 6 8 diet 2gether 2mro! ahhhhhh! so I guess Im doing dat! Im going out on friday sat and sun tho and Im so drinking! I will never give up my vodka! Its da only ting dat makes me feel happy right now. Im going to go shopping with my mom 2mro and getting supportive trainers for my foot so I can start walking and using the lateral hight trainer. and Im gna get a swim suit to start going swimming! Im also gna start back playing the flute. I havent played in a few months but Ive been playing since I was 9 so Im sure it will come back to me. I wna use my time productively. dnt wna be just waiting around all day untill I allow myself sumtin to eat like.
I no I wnt be but Id luv to be thin by da wkd. I got some rly nice clothes and it feels a waste for me to wear and ruin them. Ive turned down a shopping lifting spree with my best friend bc of the fear. I dnt feel ready yet!!
altho I got underwear, dvds, a cd fake tan and jewlerry today! but it didnt feel as gud as it usually does!
while Im on da 2 4 6 8 diet or watever turns into 2mro Im gna do da lemon juice diet! xx